End up here // lrh

3.6 - Little do you know

"Mary, I am so sorry for ignoring you yesterday. I really am. I was just really sad. Michael made me feel better though. Call me back baby."

"Mary please. I am so sorry."

"Mary, it's been two days. I can't live without you. Please, just- just answer me."

"I love you, Mary."

"Goddammit Mary, I haven't even done anything wrong!"

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have yelled like that. I just miss you so much."

- end of messages -

A soft knock could be heard. Mary didn't know who would visit her at such a late hour. Both her parents were out so Mary was alone. She had her suspicion on who it could be but she really wished that for once she was wrong. She wasn't. At the other side of the door was Luke. Her boy friend. Whom she hadn't spoken to in almost a week. Mary didn't even know if that made her mad. She had a trouble missing people.

Luke had heavy bags below his eyes and it was evident that he had been crying but Mary tried to pretend that she didn't notice.

"Hi." Luke said, almost as a whisper. He didn't even dare to look Mary in the eyes. He still didn't know why Mary had ignored him for so long.

"Hey." Mary smiled, trying to act as if there wasn't an evident tension between the two.

Both Mary and Luke fell into a heavy silence and neither of them knew what to say. Luke had been preparing this whole fucking speech but now when he was in front of Mary no words seemed to want to leave Luke's mouth.

"Want to come in?" Mary asked after several minutes of silence.

Luke shrugged, he knew that if he started to talk he would have a total breakdown and cry in front of Mary. He didn't want that to happen.

Mary turned around on her heels and went to the living room with Luke following her after closing the door behind him. She sat down at the end of the couch and Luke sat on the other end. Even though there were lots of space between them it still wasn't enough for Luke to feel like he could breathe.

"So.." Mary started, unsure of what to say. She knew that Luke wanted an explanation but she didn't even know why herself.

Luke took a few long breaths before finding the courage to let out the word that had been replayed in his head over and over again since all of this happened.

"Why?" Luke breathed out, immediately feeling tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

"It's complicated." Mary shrugged, she didn't want to hurt Luke but at the moment it felt like the only solution.

"Bullshit, Mary!" Luke yelled, the anger bursting, all of the feelings he tried to ignore breaking free. Luke stood up to his feet and raked his fingers harshly through his hair.

He went over to Mary's side of the couch and looked down at Mary.

"How can you just fucking sit there and act like nothing has happened?" He continued to yell, frustratingly tugging at his own hair.

"How can you act like we didn't happen?" Luke yelled, there was no stopping the tears now, he couldn't help but cry.

Mary felt horrible. She didn't even know what to say. She had ignored him the same amount of days as they had known each other. And that was probably why Mary had decided to do what she did. She barely knew Luke. They had barely known each other for a week before this thing happened. Mary didn't like the fact that she had fallen so fucking fast.

Love just felt too big for her and she felt so fucking small, like she had no say in the whole thing. Mary used to be so independent and strong and then Luke came and now Mary felt like she wasn't living if he wasn't by her side - she hated that.

"Say something!" Luke pleaded, looking into Mary's shiny eyes.

Mary was at a loss of words. She couldn't say anything. So she just shook her head and covered her face with her hands. By now both of the two were crying and neither felt like they would ever stop.

Luke didn't even feel like standing anymore, so he sat down on the floor and rested his head against Mary's legs.

"Please, Mary." Luke begged softly, not even bothering to scream anymore.

Mary reached down to Luke's hair with her hand and traced his soft hair.

"Just tell me what I did wrong." Luke sighed, he didn't want to give in to Mary's touch (which was really hard since she had the touch of an angel), he wanted to know why Mary had done what she had done. He needed an explanation.

"I," Mary stuttered, still finding it hard to form a proper sentence, "I- you-" Mary let out a groan, mad at herself for being so weak.

"We happened too fast." Mary finally said.

Luke shook his head against Mary's legs, he truly was confused.

"Yes." Mary said, putting a finger below Luke's chin and raising his head upwards so they finally shared eye-contact.

"No," Luke gulped, "there isn't a time limit on love."

"That's not what I meant." Mary said, shaking her head.

"Then what?" Luke asked, dreadful of Mary's response.

"I was only looking for a hit and bang that night, two weeks ago. I didn't want to find the love of my life, I had no plans of so. And then you just came into my life and you made me feel things." Mary rambled on, each word feeling like a weight being lifted off of her shoulders.

"I was a one-piece puzzle before I met you - I didn't need anyone else, I didn't want anyone else. I could go months without crying. I was strong and now- now I feel so weak, like you're the energy that gives my body strength. I don't like who I've become Luke, but when I'm with you I love myself because you look at me like I'm an angel when in reality I'm the devil herself."

Luke didn't break the eye contact once, he was just listening like his life depended on it.

"Mary-" Luke began but Mary interrupted him immediately.

"No, let me finish." Mary shook her head and took a deep breath.

"I love you Luke, and I think I hate myself because of that. Little do you know that I can't fall asleep without your arms around me and your shirt adorning my body. I can't sleep, I haven't slept since I last saw you, Luke. I feel like I've become feather light or like I'm made out of glass. And Luke, you have my heart - all of it, and I'm waiting for you to crush it. And I think I'd still love you even if you did. I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck."

Mary got up from the couch in a rush, leaving Luke by himself, and ran up the stairs to her room and slammed the door shut behind her and fell down onto her bed and broke down.

God, Mary hated herself.

-

This was sad. But life isn't always made out of rainbows and unicorns.

It'd only take like a second for you to vote for this story, I'd be very happy if you did.

Two song references in one chapter, I'm on a roll.