Pariah: The Other Malfoy

Chapter 61: Apparition

We returned to Hogwarts, and Apparition lessons were announced for my year. I signed up without a second thought, my friends following suit. Apparition was something I had been looking forward to for years.

On Saturday, it was the first Apparition lesson for the sixth years. I had the help of having Apparated before, under the guidance of my father and mother. It was side-along, but it was more than most people had done.

When Tobias and I arrived in the Hall we found that the tables had disappeared. Rain lashed against the high windows and the enchanted ceiling swirled darkly above us as we assembled in front of McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick and Sprout - the Heads of House - and a small wizard whom I took to be the Apparition Instructor from the Ministry.

"Good morning," said the Ministry wizard, when all the students had arrived and the Heads of House had called for quiet. "My name is Wilkie Twycross and I shall be your Ministry-Apparition Instructor for the next twelve weeks. I hope to be able to prepare you for your Apparition test in this time -"

"Mr Malfoy, be quiet and pay attention!" barked McGonagall.

I didn't turn around, but everyone else did. I imagined my brother was embarrassed at being called out, but I had other things on my mind. How was I going to Apparate?

"I would like each of you to place yourselves now so that you have a clear five feet of space in front of you."

There was a great scrambling and jostling as people separated, banged into each other, and ordered others out of their space. The Heads of House moved among the students, marshalling them into position and breaking up arguments. I stood in place, letting the others manoeuvre around me rather than attempting to work out five feet against the mass of bodies around me, causing more confusion.

"Quiet!" one of the teachers yelled.

"Thank you," said Twycross. "Now then..."

He waved his wand. A wooden hoop appeared in front of me.

"The important things to remember when Apparating are the three Ds!" said Twycross. "Destination, Determination, Deliberation! Step one: fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination. In this case, the interior of your hoop. Kindly concentrate on that destination now."

I stared at the hoop and tried to think of nothing else. I cleared my mind and focused on it entirely.

"Step two," said Twycross, "focus your determination to occupy the visualised space! Let your yearning to enter it flood from your mind to every particle of your body!"

I concentrated even more on the hoop and that space inside, ignoring the shuffling of other students around me.

"Step three," called Twycross, "and only when I give the command... Turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation. On my command, now... one, two, THREE!"

There was a clatter as everyone spun on the spot, nobody Apparating, but most people losing balance and stumbling slightly towards their hoops. I shot Tobias a grin as he tripped on his hoop on his way back to his spot.

"No matter," Twycross regarded us all for a moment, "Try it again. Turn, feel your way forward, find the hoop. One, two... three!"

I spun on the spot and gasped. The air in my lungs was sucked out and I felt as though I was being squeezed through a tight space. I heard a crack and found myself standing in the hoop. I looked around to see everyone staring at me. I looked at where I had been standing. No body part left behind, I hadn't splinched. I had Apparated.

My eyes widened as I stood in the hoop, realising all attention was focused on me. Everyone was staring at me with wide eyes, including all the Heads of Houses. I caught sight of McGonagall, who seemed to be smiling with pride. I grinned widely, I was the first one to be successful!

"Very well done! And the first time you have Apparated by yourself, yes?" I nodded shyly as Twycross addressed me, "Keep it up!"

The next few times, I was still the only one managing. It got easier each time, and I still hadn't splinched. No one splinched for a while. When it did happen, it was one of the Hufflepuffs. The fourth time was when it happened. The Hufflepuff, Susan Bones, screeched in pain and I ended up turning in mid-Apparition to see what had happened.

She was wobbling in her hoop with her left leg still standing where she had been moments before, a look of horror on her face. The Heads of House all appeared around her. There was a great bang and a puff of purple smoke and she had her leg back, but I imagined she was still horrified.

An hour later, I was still the only one managing. It was getting a bit tiresome.

"Until next Saturday, everybody, do not forget. Destination. Determination. Deliberation." Twycross told us, fastening his cloak and leaving the hall with McGonagall.

Tobias turned to me as we left.

"You have got to teach me that! How did you manage?" he asked.

"Destination, determination, deliberation," I smirked, and he rolled his eyes at me.

February moved into March and signs about Hogsmeade went up in the common room. The trips for the rest of the year were cancelled due to what had happened with Katie, something nobody was surprised about.

Three Apparition lessons on, and I was still the only one who could do it without injury. Many more people had splinched themselves and I even ended up taking breaks during it as it was so exhausting.

I was visibly withering away. Nightmares plagued my every sleep in the lead up to the next full moon, and they were worse than before. As soon as I closed my eyes, I saw the head of the werewolf, its jaws wrapping around my wrist, my anguished screams. I was barely holding it together, and after the first two nights of nightmares, I elected not to sleep at all for the rest of the week. I could barely keep my head up during classes and I knew the teachers were noticing, but they assumed it was just the physical pain I was in. They believed Snape's potion had cured my nightmares, and I hadn't said otherwise. It wasn't their problem.

"Miss Malfoy, this is a classroom, not a dormitory," Snape said quietly during one of his more boring lectures. My head snapped up and I rubbed my eyes, a frown appearing on my face as I worked out what was happening.

"Oh... Sorry, professor," my voice was incredibly quiet. I was still a bit drowsy.

"Stay behind. The rest of you, dismissed," he said, "Don't forget about the essays due tomorrow."

I sighed as the rest of the class left.

"Sir, I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"When was the last time you slept?" he ignored my apology, his eyes boring into me.

"A week ago," my voice was barely a whisper.

"And you believe that wise? The full moon is tonight, exhaustion will not make it better," he said, his voice stone cold.

"I can't sleep," I replied, head down.

"You can't sleep? Surely a natural human function is not that hard to perform successfully," his voice was laced with sarcasm.

"Every time I close my eyes, the nightmares return," I rubbed my temple, "The only way I can avoid them is by staying awake. I no longer wake Hermione up, so it doesn't matter. I can deal with this, it's only a week each month. I'm fine, I'll manage."

Before he could reply, I stood up and walked out the room. I didn't want to experiment with another potion, the last one just made things worse. Sure, I was tired but so was everyone else. It really wasn't a big deal, if fatigue meant no nightmares, I could survive with it.