Burnout ⊗ Jeongchan

②③ Canary in the Coal Mine

The wind rustled the trees and grass to orchestrate a harmony of sounds around them. A grind of tires from the strips of highway melted into the melodies, this familiar scene of a rundown road separated from a busy life becoming part of the cacophony until it had all unified. A storm was brewing somewhere off in the distance, a midsummer heat wave mixed with the recent chilly breezes, the dark clouds in the distance booming like drums in his ears and electricity on his tongue. Until the storm reached, the warm rays of the sun beat down on them and tempted him to sleep on the warm metal of the car roof.

Once again forcing his eyes open, Jeongin laid down. He threw a limp arm over his eyes to shield from the sweltering sun though it had only provided so much protection. Some how, the rays were still able to creep through the darkness. Against his better self, Jeongin groaned, "The sun's annoying."

"Block it out," The immediate reply came from Chan. Leaning against the passenger's side door of his car, directly next to where the younger's legs dangled off the edge, he was hyperfixated on something far off in the distance. Whether it was the rolling clouds building in the distance or the flock of birds flying above them, the younger would never know. The older crossed his arms over his chest and dropped his gaze to the ground, "Easiest option you have. Don't have sunglasses with me."

Jeongin watched him through the blinding cracks the pathetic excuse of a cover his arm provided for him. He chewed at the inside of his lips.

"I'm sorry."

Chan's head snapped towards the younger, "For?"

"I said some harsh things to you."

"So did I."

"But you won't apologize for it. You meant it, didn't you?"

"You didn't?"

"It's not that," Jeongin dug his elbows below and pressed off the roof to sit up so he could face the older. He placed his hands in his lap, directing his attention towards the hangnails pulling his dried out skin as he admitted, "I guess I just... I don't want you to be mad at me too."

Chan scoffed playfully, as if he had accused him of a heinous act, "What makes you think I am?"

"It's hard to believe you don't resent me in some shape or form," Jeongin tugged at a hangnail, still refusing to raise his head to the older. He furrowed his eyebrows together and pushed his lips into a pout, "I said I hated you."

"Do you?" Chan shifted his weight forward to press off the car. He turned to face Jeongin, placing a hand on either side of his legs to trap him on the roof. However the younger hardly noticed; with his mind in a completely separate dimension to this one and his cold fingers futzing with the uneven amenities to his nails, the gesture went by without much of a care nor consideration.

Instead he hunched his shoulders over, curling up in the shell he hid in as he said meekly, "Yes. No? Maybe not hate but it's something like that."

Chan hummed lowly.

The edge of Jeongin's lips pulled into a frown as he shrunk away, "You don't believe me."

"Can I believe someone who's unsure of themself?"

Again. Words that were brutally honest yet never quite said what he really thought. It seemed to be his greatest talent, this seemingly unavoidable skill of dancing around sentences and pulling at nerves until it finally struck a chord. However much it ultimately tossed the younger into a pit of confusion and frustration. It would have been exceedingly easier to have a normal conversation if the older was more outright. It wasn't as if he was beating around the bush, more as if he thought the assumptions the younger made were more true then his words. Even if he couldn't take a guess. But things might have been better that way. Maybe, he thought, it's better not to understand his intentions.

But no matter how hard he tried, it was impossible to convince himself to believe that. Jeongin steeled his resolve once again. He clutched at his knees, letting the angles act as his balance as he locked eyes with the older, "Do you think you're above them? The people in the city?"

"Standing on the ground now, aren't I?" Chan tapped his heel against the ground to prove his point. He told firmly, "No difference."

"I keep thinking about that night. Standing on the balcony with all the people below, I couldn't help but feel like I was a greater part of something. I felt like a king. Like I was invincible," The younger explained. He felt a heat rising in the tips of his ears as he quickly tacked on in a tone barely above a whisper, "That's why I kissed you."

"But I don't belong there, do I? I will never look at them from above. I won't be a scientist or an astronaut or even a politician. I'll just be another office worker, I'll work my nights bagging groceries at a convenience store. I'm not... I'm not worth anything...!" Jeongin bit hard on his lip, a strange taste stinging his mouth as his fists unknowingly clenched in his lap.

"I keep thinking, why you? Why is someone like you worth something, why do you have people who recognize and respect you, but I'm forgotten? I don't understand," He found the older's hands resting patieny on either side of him with his own, enveloping them as he urged, "If I could be like you-"

At this notion, Chan pressed his lips onto a thin line and shaking free from the other's grasp. He backed away, "No. I'm taking you home before you get wise ideas."

"Wait! I don't mean it like that I just mean I don't want to go back to the way it was!" Jeongin shouted as he hopped down from the roof, the gravel and dirt crunching softly under the soles of his shoes as he chased after Chan crossing in front of the car in a form that could only be described as being on a warpath. He barely managed to get a hold on the older's arm, begging weakly as he stopped the older in his tracks, "Please. I don't care about them, but don't you turn away from me too. Just not you."

"You said yourself that you wish I was different, I'll be anything you want me to be but," Jeongin's grip on the older tightened.

"I don't want to be me anymore."

Chan grabbed Jeongin's hand off his arm and locked the loose fist to his chest. He pushed forward, purposefully prompting the younger to recoil from the racer till the back of his knees collided with the car behind. Jeongin stood an unsure seat on the hood as Chan recounted, "They say a long time ago, coal miners would capture a canary in a cage and set it in the mines while they worked to detect carbon monoxide and poisons dangerous to the miners. The canaries would often spend the rest of their years in the mines, in a cage, in the dark, until they died or the toxins killed them."

"I don't understand why you tell me these things," Jeongin dropped his head, his forehead gently colliding with a friendly shoulder, "...besides to feel bad for the birds."

"At least you're honest," Chan muttered quietly.

"I told you I don't understand."

"Told you to figure it out too."

"All I can guess is you think I'm this supposed 'songbird', trapped till I die?" Jeongin bit back a quiet hiss. He tried wiggling his hand free from the older and before he knew it, the burning sheen of the car bonnet was scrapping against his spine. He glared up at the one hovering barely above him, "You're wrong... I'm not. I won't be like that anymore. I'll prove it to you, I'll be different."

"I'm waiting."

"Then don't look away from me."

Jeongin netted his fingers into the older's hair, drawing him closer until he could feel the ghosting of warm breath on his neck bitter butterfly kisses peppering his skin. If he listened hard enough, thunder clapped in the distance. His head lulled to the side. It's funny.

The sun wasn't in his eyes anymore.

✘

A reader was kind enough to inform me that Burnout reached #1 in Jeongchan ☺️💕 Thank you everyone for enjoying the story so far but hang in there,
We're just getting started