Banana Fish AshxEiji

~part three~

A week has gone by since I tried to kill myself. The dishes built up again. My hair got greasy again. My apartment is a disaster, I tore it up after I couldn't find your sweatshirt, I found it under my pillow. I check the time on the stove to see it's 11:03 am, Ibe-san always gets here at 11:00, I grab my phone and see he texted me that he can't come today but he'll be here tomorrow. I nod as if he's here, realizing he can't see my minimal movement I type back "ok".

My day goes on how every other one does, I grab the book Ibe-san dropped off last week and sit on my windowsill that's just big enough to fit me. I look out my window to a view of the side of a very boring building, I sigh and start reading the last chapter. Not retaining any information. I stare numbly at the building remembering the photo Ibe-san showed me a week before. That woman was so happy, it was so colorful. I forgot places that colorful existed, I wonder what it would be like to visit that waterfall with you Ash.

There's a knock on the door, I'm too caught up in my own dreams and imagination to realize I don't recognize this knock. There's more pressure, it was hesitant almost as if someone was pranking me. I fail to remember Ibe-san wasn't coming today before I unlock the deadbolt and click the lock. I twist the cold silver knob opening the door to reveal a tall male figure, golden blond hair, with emerald green eyes.

"Ash?" I choke out, just loud enough to not be a whisper. Tears flood my eyes and I shake my head, disappointed I've started hallucinating you into my life. You died, you're not here. Pain rips through my chest, I haven't seen you in so long. I close the door but my hands are shaking too bad, I can't lock it again. I get a rush of dizziness and start to stumble back and forth trying to find something to hold onto. Suddenly two strong arms grab me from behind catching me right before my vision goes completely black.

I wake up in a cold sweat under my sheets like usual, something feels off. I turn onto my side and slowly it comes back to me. Yesterday. You were here. I abruptly sit up ignoring the searing hot pain in my head, frantically looking around for you. No. I refuse to believe that was a dream, it was too real I felt you this time. I smelled you, vanilla and burnt wood. I stand up and practically run into the kitchen, you're here. Sitting there slumped over a cup of coffee, looking out my boring window. You don't sense me, you've always been able to sense me.

I stand there paralyzed. Trying to say something, I haven't said more than two words in months. I don't even know if I remember how.

"A-ash are you r-r-real this time?" I stutter out, the words sounding hoarse coming out of my dry throat. You snap out of your daze and look at me, tears begin coming down your face quickly. You weakly stand up and I notice how much changed about you, you've lost muscle, you stand less confidently, you have dark bags under your eyes just like mine, but your hair, your hair looks like it always has, messy blonde and the perfect in between from short and long.

"Eiji!" he cries out, running towards me and engulfing me in an embrace. I stand there tears falling from my eyes unable to move, "im alive" Ash whispers into my hair "I'm here." Hearing his voice brought me crashing back into reality. I wrap my arms tightly around him, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, his body yet having lost a lot of muscle mass is still strong. He holds me up when my legs give out and I can't stand any longer, he helps me walk to my room and lays me down on my bed. He sits on the edge of the bed, making it dip under his weight.

I look up at him, at a loss for words like I have been for months but this is different, this is a good loss of words. Ash sits on the edge of my bed inspecting me, making sure I'm not hurt, I move my wrist to an angle so that he can't see my scars and recent injury. He notices my movements and takes my wrist in his hand. I try to jerk it away from him, but despite not being at his A game, he still grabs it.

"No, ash please, it doesn't matter" I choke out, but I can only form a whisper. He slowly flips it over and sees what I did, pain floods his face and tears fall onto my wrist as he pulls it up to his chest and sobs for me, trying to fix what I did, trying to heal my pain. He brings it up to his lips and kisses it softly like my mother did when I was younger, when I scraped my knee on the concrete trying to run from my father. He keeps his lips on my wrist for a lingering moment. I watch the pain, fear, and guilt wash over him like waves that never end, that take your breath away. I can see the hurt in his eyes, I study him. I notice the small things, the way his mouth twists into a pained frown, how his eyes crinkle at the corners, how he cries with so much emotion you'd never think in a million years that he carries a broken soul and bleeding heart with him everyday.

"Ash I'm okay I promise" I say finally finding my voice again, a reassuring smile forming on my face.

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You're here

I'm looking at you

Aslan Jade Callenreese

You're holding my wrist

You're here

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