Banana Fish AshxEiji

~part five~

Ash

I never learned how to give or accept affection, I was told it was a weakness, that letting emotions get in the way would only get me killed. Eiji's movements are slow and meaningful, they are full of care and love, they have never been used for violence or hate. I don't know how I can give affection when my hands have so much blood on them, they've only been used to kill..

I rest my head on Eiji's chest, hoping he's okay with that. Eiji softly whispers "you're safe" while reaching over to his left and clicking off his lamp. I feel safe, I let myself drift into sleep, but before I can fully fall unconscious I jerk up into a sitting position and panic.

"What?! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Eiji exclaims fear swimming in his eyes, guilt overrules my system and I stand up quickly walking to the main living area pressing a hand over my mouth trying not to cry again. I feel a presence behind me, Eiji carefully puts a hand on my shoulder and turns me around to face him. I shake my head and look down whispering "im sorry" over and over my voice muffled by my hand, "for what? You've done nothing wrong" Eiji sadly says and I can tell he understands what's happening in my mind.

"I was on my way to you, I was going to come with you b-but then he came out of nowhere an-and sta-" I say stumbling over my words trying to hold my sobs back. Eiji's hand falls off my shoulder and he stares at me with shock evident in his face, "you..." he mumbles "tried to come?". I nod, memories of that day coming back, the sadness and acceptance I felt reading your letter in the library, I took my last breath thinking of you.

"I woke up in a woman's house. She was cleaning my stab wound, her name is Jillian, she helped me heal the best she could but food was hard to chew, standing up was painful, and sleeping resulted in nightmares." I finish finally making eye contact with Eiji. I expected him to be angry or disappointed with me but the only thing I see is joy. I stare at his smile, confused, "so no one hurt you?" he says delicately, I shake my head, "no, I was safe".