Banana Fish AshxEiji

~part nine~

Ash

I watch as Eiji silently pleads with me to tell the truth, I look down at the kitchen tiles, seeing a small spot of blood. He needs the truth.

"I felt I didn't deserve to eat." I say simply not pulling my eyes from the floor, I know if I look into his eyes i'll regret it. He's going to blame himself for my mistakes. He waits for me to continue, I take a deep breath, "I put you through so much, I brought you into a world of violence and hate you didn't belong there, I put you in danger, I can't forgive myself for getting you shot Eiji." I explain choking on my words. I can't bring myself to look at him. I know it'll hurt too much, "Ash I belong wherever you are, no matter what world you live in I want to live in it with you." Eiji says with heartbreak in his voice, he slowly brings his hand to my chin and tilts it up to look at him. I can't. I look past his head at the wall, "please look at me" Eiji cries ,"please ash" his voice cracking at the end. I give in. I won't let myself ever hurt him again, I move my eyes to focus on Eiji's features, his black hair in need of a haircut, his relaxed jawline, cheeks that have sparse freckles coating them, and finally his eyes. His eyes are glossed over with tears threatening to spill, yet there's so much strength in them.

I stare at him, "i'm not mad at you Ash, i'm sad. I'm sad that you had to go through that, feeling so alone. I chose to stay with you in that world. None of it was your fault, you have no reason to punish yourself." he says with a solemn smile reaching his face, I stand up pulling him up with me and wrap my arms around his shoulders, I feel his arms wrap around my waist. He's the only person to truly hug me with simple intentions, to comfort me. He wraps his arms tightly as if I'll disappear if he doesn't.

We stay like this for a long time. In each other's presence. Everything starts to slow down, coming back into focus. I let myself remember. I remember what Golzine and his men did to me. I remember Blanca and what he taught me. I remember my parents and sister. I remember Shorter and I remember killing him. I remember Bananafish. I remember meeting Eiji. I remember everything. The pain, weakness, power, hatred, and because of Eiji, love I remember love. I place my chin on top of his head and smile, a genuine smile.