Banana Fish AshxEiji

~part nineteen~

We've lived in our new apartment for about a month now, we have fallen into a pattern, a calm way of living. You never had stability, this lets you stay in one place with good habits and good people. Ibe-san and Max came over about a week ago for dinner, Max brought Jessica and Michael too. Everything is good, you're good, i'm good, it's good. I don't think either of our lives have ever stayed so still ,it's almost eerie. I can feel in my gut that something is about to happen, my mother always told me that my body will know before my mind.

Ash walks out from our room, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, his hair is already combed back and he looks on edge. This isn't normal, right before I can ask him what's happening he pulls me into a hug from behind. I giggle slightly hoping he's just changing his habits and getting ready earlier, "I have to leave for a few days, Alex needs me, the gangs in trouble with a few other gangs and he doesn't know how to handle it". I slump into Ash, his arms stay strong against me holding me up.

"How long?" I say quietly, you turn me so I'm looking at you, "only a few days, no longer than three I hope". I nod, knowing I can't get you to stay and I know it would be a mistake if you didnt go. They need you more than me right now. I wrap my arms around you "please be safe" I beg, memories of when we stood on the roof after you escaped the mental facility come racing back into my mind. I let a tear fall, this is only the first of many. I let go of you unwillingly, I want to ask you to stay but I can't. You walk towards the door slowly, savoring your last moments of guaranteed safety. You look back at me and we share one of those indescribable looks, we have a lot of those.

Once Ash leaves I don't really know what to do with myself. It's pointless to worry when I know he hasn't even left the building yet but without him here there's something missing. I turned off the oven, I was about to make breakfast but I've lost my appetite. I walk out onto our small balcony and stare at the buildings in New York. They're beautiful, the way the sun reflects off the thousands of windows creates a heavenly affect. I close my eyes, letting myself stand here alone and be content with that. This is okay. This is real.

I spend the next few days alone, I worry for Ash a lot but he can handle himself. I hope. I haven't allowed myself to break down over this because nothing has happened yet, he said 'a few days'. It has only been two days since you left. I've been reading a lot to take my mind away from this world and into another reality. I haven't eaten as much as usual but enough so when I stand up I don't get dizzy and lightheaded. My mind wonders as I pick a book to read today. I wonder what you're doing.