"Look, it's raining." said Quinton smiling. I looked out of window and sighed. "Wish it was snowing."
"Snow in Los Angeles, huh?" Blake laughed.
"Yeah, I'm wishing impossible things to happen for this Christmas." I said.
Noah sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "What kind of things?"
"I'm wishing snow in LA, Ryland and Bryce turn back from the rehab and Lana was alive." I said. "Are they impossible enough?"
Mads rolled her eyes at me.
"What is wrong with you?" I asked. "You're acting like you're hating me since the first day I moved here."
"Cause I'm hating you." she answered. "I'm hating the way you're living Lana's life."
"Mads, I think you should..." Noah started to talking but Mads interrupted him.
"I don't care about what you think, I think I should start a riot." She get up from the chair. "Jaden was the one who holding me back but since he is not here I think I can start my big riot."
"He is in the studio." said Josh. "And if you think we will let you yell at Addison, you are wrong."
Mads laughed. "What you gonna do Josh?" She opened her arms and looked around. "What you all gonna do? Jaden is not here, no one can stop me. And Addison's little guardian angel, Kio is not here. Charli and Dixie is in Connecticut with their family, Anthony went to visit Bryce. Cynthia and Nessa are in hair dresser, so everyone is going on. It looks like you forgot we lost our best friend Lana, you replaced her with Addison."
"Mads stop this bullshit." said Blake.
"Yeah, I should stop, right? The problem is me, not you? Blake I thought you were besties with Lana." She turned to Noah. "And what about you dear fuckbuddy? Most of you didn't know, Lana and Noah were friends with benefits, I mean fuckbuddies." I looked at Noah, I knew he was lying.
"You're telling you're the only one who really loves Lana. So tell me Mads, why didn't you go out and tell the truth when Noah was talking bullshit about my sister? Do you know how many days Ryland cried for it?" I asked.
"Do you know how many days Lana cried for Ryland? Ah, how you could know, you weren't there. I guess you were dating Ryland then." she said.
"I never dated him. It was just for media, because I wanted Bryce back and he wanted Lana back." I said. "But you didn't answer my question."
"He is sitting next to you, you calling him bestie, why don't you ask him?" yelled Mads. " You are the filthiest person I've ever met, Addison. You have to understand this, you cannot be Lana just because you look like her. You cannot have her boyfriends, you cannot have her friends."
"I'm not trying to be her Mads." I yelled crying. "I'm not stealing her boyfriends, I care about Ryland because he is someone Lana loves, I'm not more than friends with Noah and Kio. I didn't even speak with Bryce."
"But you would if he wasn't in rehab." yelled Mads. "Actually I'm a bit suprised, I waited you to be besties with Jaden. Or let Noah to get in your pants."
"Watch your mouth!" I raised my hand to hit her but Noah hold me. Blake hugged Mads. "Mads, come with me, let's take a walk in rain, you need to calm down." They left the house, I went to my room, collapsed on my bed.
Noah came after me, he opened the door and came in, sat on my bed and looked at my face.
"What?" I yelled.
"I just wanted to make sure you are not doing something stupid." he said.
"Fuck off Noah!" I said. "You're the last person I wanna talk now."
"Look, I'm sorry." said Noah. "I was really in love with Lana but she didn't love me, one night, when she was staying in Sway, she came to me, she wanted to have sex with me and then I thought we would date. She didn't want it so we stay as friends, friends with benefits. I accepted cause I wanted to be close to her, these days were my best days till Ryland came. Suddenly he came back and took Lana from me. I was so angry and then she killed herself on her wedding day. I mean what is the point? She left me to be with Ryland and killed herself to not be with Ryland? I didn't want to accept this so I lied. I wanted everyone to think that she loved me, she was my lover, she killed herself because she was still in love with me." He was crying. So you killed her, Noah. I'm considering this as a confess but I need a real confess so I'll keep playing cool. I will make you confess how exactly you killed my sister...
"It's still doesn't make sense. I mean it's normal, sometimes the people we love don't love us back, I still didn't get why did you lie?" I asked. I turned the voice recorder on my phone.
"I don't know, it was a stupid reaction to her instant death. We all did stupid things, Ryland became numb, Bryce lost his mind, Jaden literally start to live in studio, Mads is in depression and they are about to break up, Charli and Dixie didn't turn back to LA after her funeral, they literally ran away. People can react stupidly to an instant death." he still thinks he is right.
"Yeah but I didn't do anything stupid. At least I didn't lie to media about her. What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous. Stop trying to find excuses. Her death wasn't instant and you didn't lie just because you didn't know how to react her death. Anyways Noah, now I need to rest then we can have this conversation when we are both ready. But the next time, we will be honest to each other." I said, he looked at my face for a few second and then left.
When he was looking at me, his eyes were glossy. If I didn't know he is killer, I would think that he is innocent just to looking at his eyes. I wonder if he killed Lana looking at her with those eyes.
I look at the frame on the table beside my bed. I took it and hugged. I do this sometimes, hugging Lana's photos feels like hugging her. This is the best I can.
I was the one who took this photo. I remember this day like it was yesterday. Lana and I, we went to studio to record her first song, she was so happy and so beautiful so I wanted to take her photo.
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