Who Killed Lana?// Ryland Storms

• m a d s •

18th February 2022

"Heyy, I brought you your favorite." I said to Mads handing a Mc Donalds bag.

"Thank youu." she kissed my cheek.

You must be suprised, let me tell you what happened. Two weeks ago, when I left the Sway House I went to see Mads. At the first she was mad at me cause you know, we were not in good terms when she was sent to therapy. I talked with her, we tried to understand each other and now, we are all good again. And I'm sure she is not the killer. Actually she thinks Bryce killed Lana and she is angry to herself because she wasn't with Lana when she supposed to be with her.

"How it's going?" asked Mads. "Did you talk with them?"

"No." I said. "I didn't answer the calls or texts and you know I moved into an apartment, no one knows where it is."

"Even Kio?" she asked.

"Why are you always asking me about Kio?" I said laughing.

"Because I want you to confess that you're in love with Kio." she said.

"Wait, what? No." I lied as I always do. "He is my bestfriend, like a brother."

"I know." she said. "But you don't want it to be like that."

"But there is no light for us." I said. "He calls me buddy, he trusts me like a sister, he doesn't love me the way I love him." Mads wiped my tears and I realized that I'm crying. "And even though he'd love me we still can't be together. Anyways, I have to focus on Bryce, Dixie and Noah."

  "So you gonna date with Bryce again?" she said. "You're gonna ruin your life again."

  "Why I feel like no ones understand me." I said.

  "Do you understand yourself?" asked Mads.

  I confused. "What do you mean?"

  "Once a man has found himself there is nothing in this world that he can lose. And once he has understood the humanity in himself, he will understand all human beings, Stefan Zweig. From Fantastic Night. Who are you Addison?" she asked.

  "I don't know." I said.

  "You don't know who you are?" Mads suprised. "Why you have no idea about who you are?"

  "Because I never be able to be myself. I always had to pretend to fit in society. I wasn't brave enough to refuse being ordinary to fit in society like Lana did. I couldn't say fuck society, I didn't want to be alone. I always pretend like I'm a typical cheerleader prom queen, that was what my mom wanted, that was the only way to get paid respect and have friends. I don't know who am I, what am I on... I don't know myself." I said, my tears was dropping on my legs, making my jeans wet.

  "So why don't you try to find yourself?" Mads asked.

  "Because they wouldn't love the person who I really am." I said.

  "How would you know that? All you have to do is be yourself. Loving yourself, caring for yourself, so what is yours will come to you." said Mads.

  "You don't understand." I said, didn't realize I was yelling. "I know they won't love you because even I don't love myself. I'm nothing. Don't you get it, I'm nothing. You don't know what it is like to be worthless. Or nothing you do matters.I feel like everyday in my life. Every damn day!"

  "No, you matters. First you need to learn love yourself. To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now." said Mads. "You don't even know yourself, don't be afraid of giving a chance to know yourself. You have to find who are you first, then you can focus on finding your sister. Step into the fire of self discovery. This fire will not burn you, It will only burn what you are not."

  "Thank you Mads, for being the best friend ever.I apologize from bottom of my heart for being an asshole to you." She hugged me. "It's okay Addison, we just lost Lana. You could have set the LA fire because of your pain, you just yelled at me, I won't be mad at you because of this."

  "I need to leave now, you know, visiting hour is ending." I get up and walked to door.

  "Hey Addison!" yelled Mads. "If you want to be with Kio, just finish your plan and be with him. Everyone is gonna die and no one is gonna remember you, so fuck it."

  I laughed. "Okay Madison Eilish."

  "Seriously, fuck what people says. Go and build a future for you and Kio."

  I smiled to her and left.