November 16, 2007
Hey, witing here again. Today.. I experienced my first pain, my first heartbreak. I never thought that I can experienced and feel this overflowing pain in my life..
My.. my mother died..
And I was just there, standing, can't do anything but stared at her. Sinisisi ko ang sarili ko sa nangyari. Ako ang kasama niya, ako ang maaaring makapigil sa kanya. But what did I do? I was busy doing my project and my speaker was too loud. I didn't hear the loud noise coming from her.
My heart.. it's still breaking.. my mother, she commited suicide.
Naiisip ko, bakit siya nagpakamatay? Bakit? Mahal na mahal naman namin siya, ibinibigay namin ang makakaya namin para sa kanya. Ginagawa ni Kuya ang lahat sa kanyang kolehiyo, lalo na't siya ang nangunguna sa kanyang kurso. Ako? Ginagawa ko ang makakaya ko para makapasa, para maabot ko ang pangarap ko.
Ako ang palaging nasa tabi niya. Ako palagi ang naglalambing sa kanya. That's why it's so damn hurt to my part! Ganito na kasakit ang nararamdaman ko, paano pa kaya si papa?
Papa always did his best to give this family a better life. I always saw him busy in late nights. I saw him how he looks at my mother lovingly, how he took care of her when she's sick because kuya and I were gone far of home. I heard him whisper sweet words to her, how he always made jokes to make my mother happy.
But why? Why mother?
I thought we are happy, we are far from stress and depression. But the moment my father told us that mama is suffering from anxiety, my world break apart.
Papa told us it's because of the baby. Ang sanggol na nawala sa aming piling. Ang sanggol na hindi naipanganak ni mama at ang dapat na sanggol na mahahawakan at mahahagkan namin.
Akala ko maayos na siya. I thought she's fine already. But that guess isn't right. I was wrong. We were wrong. Kaya pala ganun si papa.
Pero bakit hindi nila sinabi sa amin ni kuya!? We deserve to know the truth! We deserved it because she is our mother! We are family! Why does father hides the truth?
Pero.. kahit na anong iyak ko, maibabalik ba si mama?
Trying the best to be better,
Jaja.
BINABASA MO ANG
The Journey of our Love
Novela JuvenilJuliet Arah Degracia is a girl who appreciates and loves making journals. Others may think it seems so old-fashioned and unusual, she creates one because she craved to share her memories and experiences that may be, it can be a life lesson learned t...
