Azula's Recovery - Avatar: TLA

4.3 - Azula

Azula couldn't believe she'd just played tag with those kids. And she certainly couldn't believe that she'd actually...enjoyed it. It had been good to run again and feel free. It had felt good. It sort of reminded her of her time with her little band of runaways.

As she stood beside Kiyi, she smiled, just slightly. Kiyi beamed back, letting her hand drop to her side.

"Kiyi! Kids where are you?"

Azula's stomach plummeted at the voice. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no! She's here... Why is she here?

I love you, Azula. I do...

Azula stumbled back and Kiyi's eyes went wide. She raced around to the garden entrance to stop her as Azula locked eyes with the woman standing there.

"Ursa..."

The face that had haunted her for years stood there, staring at her, first with shock, confusion, and then fear. Of course. Azula thought, Always afraid of her daughter, the little monster.

She looked to Kiyi and then back to Azula, and took a step forward. Even though she was a long way off, Azula stepped back.

"Azula please! Wait!"

Azula stood frozen as Ursa advanced another step, and then another, and another, until she was standing only a metre or so away.

"Azula, I'm so glad you're back," Ursa had tears in her eyes, and a smile on her face. Azula's eyes welled with tears as she looked into her mothers face.

Monster, monster, monster, monster, monster, monster, monster...

The word just sounded through her mind on loop. Ursa tentatively reached out a hand toward her, but Azula couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe...

MONSTER...

"I'm so sorry, Azula. I never apologised for all the pain that I caused you...I, I wish I could make it all better." She dropped her hand as she looked at Azula, as if trying to drink her in before she disappeared again.

Ursa reached forward again, "Azula?"

Azula finally regained her composure, and jumped back, summoning the blue flames around her as she did, "No, no this can't be real..." she screamed. She clutched at her head as yelling filled the garden. Her flames singed the grass beneath her and the air around her was blisteringly hot.

Someone else forced her flames to die out and two strong hands grabbed her wrists, forced her to look up. Zuko stood beside her and caught her as her knees buckled, easing her to the ground. The two of them knelt there, as she sobbed and shrieked, not caring about who might be watching. 

Zuko turned to yell something to the people standing around behind him, but she couldn't hear it, everything was just...too much. The air around them cooled slowly and she realized Zuko was trying to say something to her. She shoved him off and sat there panting, desperately trying to make sense of things.

Ursa. Mother. She couldn't have been there, she couldn't...no, no Azula was sure of it. She had made it all up, her mind had made it all up. Ursa wouldn't apologize...Ursa wouldn't, wouldn't care...Her mother thought she was a monster...a monster...

"AZULA!" Zuko shook her by the shoulders and she snapped up to look at him, her anger igniting anew.

"Azula what happened?" he asked, much gentler this time.

"She...was she here?" she didn't even know if she wanted to hear the answer.

Zuko looked at her for a moment, before sighing, "Yeah, she was here. I don't think any of us expected you to be out here today, it's just...it's okay. I'm glad that you're getting outside, and doing things again. I'm sorry. I don't think she meant to upset you."

Azula sucked in a few deep breaths before responding. "She said...she said she was sorry. Why would she do that?" she cried. "Why, why would she do that...?"

"Maybe because she is? Look Azula I'm sorry that this happened. Are you okay? Would you like a moment to yourself, or would you like to join me for lunch? She won't be there, I promise!" he added quickly. 

Azula hated the pitying look in his eyes. How had it come to this? How had she fallen so far? 

You can start over...

After a long moment, Azula finally nodded. "I– yes, yes I'll come," she was still reeling. Why... what... when... how... So many questions without any answers.

"Maybe you could meet again with Kaya later. Talk through what you're feeling."

Betrayal...anger...fear...hurt...

She thinks I'm a monster...

This is all her fault...

"Perhaps..."

They walked off to lunch in silence, Azula's thoughts whirring.

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