Azula's Recovery - Avatar: TLA

4.4 - Ursa

Noren held her as Ursa sobbed into his chest as her mind raced, a million thoughts at once.

She had been so close, so close to just touching her.

Ursa couldn't get that image of Azula's face when she'd seen her there in the garden. She had looked terrified, completely stunned. Ursa could have sworn her heart cracked as she took that first step towards her daughter, and Azula had stepped back.

But then she'd just stood there frozen, as if, Ursa hoped, Azula wanted her to come closer. Ursa couldn't believe it...Azula was 17 now, and so beautiful. She noticed that she had lost a lot of weight during her time hiding out...and yet, she couldn't help but see how beautiful her daughter had become. She looked like me...

"Ursa?" Noren started, "Tell me what you're feeling."

She took a deep breath, and wiped at her eyes, "I, I was so close to her, Noren... So close... I could have touched her." Ursa looked up at him, "I apologised to her, and said that I was glad she was back, but she, she..."

Noren rubbed at her back. She knew he tried to be understanding, but, she couldn't help but feel that he...well, they had a daughter too. She sometimes worried that he thought she would pick Azula over Kiyi. The thought was ridiculous, and she would never be able to choose, not between any of her children. She didn't love Kiyi any less because Azula had returned.

"Noren, do you think she'll ever be able to forgive me? I, I never meant to hurt her. To make her feel this way and yet..." Ursa looked down at her hands, dried out and starting to blister after standing too close to Azula's personal inferno. What have I done?

"Of course Ursa," Noren replied instantly, gently taking her hands. "You're her mother. And even though she's reacted angrily and been scary and dangerous in the past, I believe that deep down, perhaps really deep down...she wants to forgive you. Not only that, I think she's looking for some forgiveness too."

Ursa looked up at him incredulously, "You think she is hoping that I'll forgive her? For what? She hasn't done anything..." Ursa trailed off as she recalled Azula's younger years. Scolding's, arguments and yelling. Ursa had never been able to understand why she had been so cruel and disrespectful. She recalled the time she had asked 'What is wrong with that child?' clearly within Azula's earshot. Something in her chest tightened at the thought of Azula taking her mother's words to heart. 

Zuko had been so kind, thoughtful and caring. She'd just expected Azula to act the same, even though Ozai had been teaching her to be cruel, cunning and ruthless.

Then, when Zuko and Azula had found her in her new life with Noren and Kiyi, Azula had discovered who she really was and tried to kill her. But Ursa still wasn't sure that Azula would actually be feeling remorseful about those things...Stop it! Of course she can! Azula is not the enemy. Ozai and his poisonous teachings are...

"Mom?" asked Kiyi tentatively. Ursa was so glad that they had been able to repair their relationship after Ursa had received her old face back. She couldn't imagine what a shock it would have been to such a young child.

"Yes my darling, what is it?" Ursa put on a smile and a brave face.

"Why did Azula try to hurt you? She, she was so nice while we were playing. I just don't understand her," Kiyi shook her head.

Ursa opened up her arms and Kiyi came in for a hug, "Because little one, Azula is hurting very much. Azula didn't have a great father like you do. He was mean and nasty and told her all sorts of evil things. But...I suppose I was to blame too. I wasn't always a very good mother to her. She needed me to help her, and love her but...I just wasn't there for her. She needs some time to replace the bad thoughts in her mind with some good ones."

"Hmm," Kiyi seemed distracted, "How long do you think it will take?"

"Healing takes time, little one. I can't say how long. But hopefully...I–I would like to speak with her again soon. I do still love her very much. I just hope I get the chance to tell her that."

Kiyi thought for a moment before nodding, "All right," a pause, and then, "She looks like you."

Ursa felt the tears returning as she smiled, "I know..."

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