Cypher {Suga X Reader}

Detached From Art

Art. Paint. Paintbrushes. The canvas.

They all lay in a pile in the left corner of the room. The cicadas are chirping outside and the sound of talking and laughter is heard from outside my tightly shut door. These noises interrupt the silence my mind has created around me.

I reluctantly pick up my paintbrush and begin to stare at the unfinished painting propped up on the stand. My grip on the brush tightens, but my hand fails to move. The distance between the canvas and the brush is sickening.

You can't do nothing forever..
Come on, it's just copying from an image, you're not even an abstract artist. You just have to sit, look, and paint exactly what you see.
Come. On!

My attempt at motivation is unsuccessful yet again.

Are you sad? No.
Are you tired? Not really
Are you frustrated?
Are you?

I am

I can't paint these days. I'm supposed to paint what I see, but that's becoming more difficult by the day. Although I try and transfer the complexity of colours and tones onto a blank piece of canvas, nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

It's difficult to paint when you're frustrated with your work huh....
If it's not working then just start over you moron!!
...................

I breath out a sigh of despair; annoyance. The sound of the construction outside the apartment is getting louder. The paintbrush is slowly placed back onto the stand before I get up and make my way towards my second pile of drawings; theyre the ones of the members.

The ones I drew when because it made me happy.

I shuffled through the pieces of paper, admiring some whilst criticizing others.

This portrait of Yoongi is pretty good.

I hear a faint knock on my door followed by the sound of the door being opened. Namjoon walks in.

"Hey, you've been in here for most of the day, are you feeling well?" he asks with a smile.

Before I could answer I notice his eyes shift from me to the fan drawings of the members, and in an instant I feel my body grow hot and my cheeks burn red.

"Oh- uh- yeah! I'm fine, just trying to paint! Haha..." I stutter as I quickly shove the portraits back into their shelf.

Oh god I hope he didn't see-

"Hey! Was that Yoongi? I didn't know hr let you draw him!" Namjoon begins chuckling to himself as he advanced towards me.

Before I could deter the conversation, Namjoon calls out,

"Hey Hyung! Yoongi! y/n has a painting of you! It's pretty good".

My embarrassment continues to increase as I slap my forehead and motion for the leader to keep his mouth shut.

Luckily there was no response.

"Oi, keep it down! He didn't let me draw him, I drew them years ago to practice my skills and because I was- well still am- a huge fan of your music!" I snap in a loud whisper.

"Ohhh, sorry" His grin doesn't leave his face, "Did you draw me too?"

"Yeah, though they're not that good" I say to him.

"I don't care show me! I want to see" Namjoon pouts.

"Okay okay, but don't laugh!" I warn whilst fingering through the papers to find his portraits.

I pull out three of the considerably best ones and present them to him, attempting to put on a proud facade.

This is so embarrassing

Namjoon picks them up and eyes them suspiciously before switching his eyes to me and laughing,

"These are so good! Can I keep them? Please?".

A sigh of relief is released from my lips as I nod cheerfully.

"Thanks, we're ordering some food, you in?" he says as he holds out his hand to pull me up.

"Food? Duh" I laugh whilst standing up with his help.

Lack of motivation, lack of drive, heightened frustration, decreasing expectations..

The path to independence is tougher than it seems,

I am now detached from art.