I Am You

Chapter Six

It was six in the morning. I was on my bed and I had about a hundred doubts running through my mind. Did Natalie know that I had been crying in the bathroom yesterday? Did she see me crying? Did she tell everyone about it? Did she really want to be my friend or was she doing it all just out of pity? Do I want to be her friend? Do I really need a friend? Will I be okay with sharing my problems with someone? Did I make a mistake by agreeing to be her friend?
I kept shifting restlessly. I was lying on my back, I turned to my side, then to my other side and then I was on my back again. At last, I jumped up in frustration. As I sat upright on my bed, I tried to calm myself down.

'Stop doubting yourself. Stop questioning each and every thing you do. Stop overthinking about each word you say. This self-sabotaging nature will ruin everything, it'll drive you insane.' I said to myself, out loud.

As I returned to my senses, I realised that I have to loosen up a bit. I've got to stop trying to control everything. I've got another chance at living a normal life. Who am I kidding? Semi-normal. But most people don't even get this chance. I can't fuck this up.

At last, I decided I was going to give the whole "Friendship with Natalie" thing a chance. 'You got this.' I said as I smiled to myself.

Wow, optimistic much?

I glanced at the time. It was almost seven. I got up and started getting ready for the day. 'Third time's a charm.' I thought to myself. I almost couldn't believe it was just the third day of college. It felt longer. But to be honest, this was the first time in months that I was looking forward to a day. I felt weirdly positive.

After breakfast, I walked to college where I was instantaneously greeted by Natalie. Literally. Like, I stepped foot into the gates and there she was.

'Were you waiting for me?'

'Yeah, of course. That's what friends do.' she smiled widely.

'They wait for each other at college gates?' I asked blankly.

Believe me, I wasn't saying this sarcastically. It was a genuine question. I'm new to this, give me a break. It's not like there's a book somewhere titled "How to be a good friend".

Wait, is there?

Natalie and I had our first class together. As we were making our way past the crowd of students in the hallway, a guy bumped into me and knocked my books out of my hand. I looked up to see who it was.

Any guesses?

'Watch it.' I said, as I picked up my books.

'Someone is in a bad mood again.' he almost sang.

'I was in a good mood until I saw your face.' I murmured as I rolled my eyes.

'Oh, come on, sweetheart. I've been told I have a pretty face.' he smirked.

Stop calling me that.

Although if I'm being honest, he does have a pretty face. But his bubbly personality cancels it out for me. One over-enthusiastic person at a time.

'I don't have the energy for this.' I sighed and gave him a bored expression.

'It's okay. We can pick this up later!' he said and waved goodbye dramatically as he walked away.

'Or never.' I mumbled.

As we resumed walking towards the class, Natalie couldn't resist.

'Who was that?' she asked. I could practically see her eyes twinkling.

'His name is Ethan. We have 'Writing' together. He's annoying.'

'By "Annoying" do you mean cute?'

'By "Annoying" I mean annoying.'

'Maybe he's into you. Guys usually annoy the person that they're secretly into.' she giggled.

'No, they don't. Are you even listening to yourself?' I face-palmed.

I'm not the kind of girl that guys are usually into. You know when you walk up to the cereal-isle and you have to choose which one of the cereal boxes you're going to pick? Your eyes scan the isle and you see Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops (Yes, that's how they choose to spell it.), Granola and Cheerios. But your eyes involuntarily ignore the box of Corn Flakes Original. I'm that box. I'm not that bad, but no one ever wants me because I can't compete with the other cereals.

We walked into the class and took our seats. We were waiting for the professor and had nothing else to do so I had the time to notice Natalie's outfit. She was wearing a pair of high waisted Levi's jeans with hand painted pockets and a purple cropped top with the words "Love is Life" in white on it. Her golden hair was in a ponytail and her scrunchie's colour matched the colour of her top. A golden necklace with little charms hung loosely around her neck. Then I looked at myself—black and black, topped off with a black belt and a black scrunchie.

I always knew we were different. But at this moment it hit me that we weren't different, we were opposites. That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, but I wondered how it'll all work out. I remembered the conversation I had with myself in the morning and decided that I'll let things pan out naturally. I wasn't going to toss it all into hell just because of my overthinking and obsessive nature. Wow, I feel like such a mature person today. Let's hope this isn't a temporary thing.

The class went well. Surprisingly, the rest of the day went well too. I'm still confused as to how it happened. But hey, I'm not complaining. It felt almost unbelievable to have a normal day with no drama, after a long time.

That night, I slept. It was the first time in months that I could sleep for more than four hours. It felt good.