I Am You

Chapter Twenty-One

It has been three months since the day I realised that Dylan was just a figment of my imagination. Whew, it still feels as unbelievable as it did three months ago. Nevertheless, I've come to accept it. I have Natalie to thank for this. She's the one who helped me find Dr. Janet in the first place.

Janet changed the way I used to view therapy. To put it simply, she's amazing at her job. I've never felt so connected to reality before. In fact, I feel like this the most present I've ever been in my life. During these past few months, Janet helped me answer a lot of questions I had regarding Dylan. She also said that she can't promise that I'll ever be completely "cured" because each patient is different. But on the plus side, I haven't experienced headaches or memory losses since I last saw Dylan in the hospital. That's an improvement, right? Therapy really seems to be working for me. Not to mention, Janet is the only other person who knows about Dylan. Nat and E don't know. I haven't told them, nor do I plan to. There's no particular reason why, I just don't want to make them worry. I'm getting better every day and there's no point in telling them about it now, after all this time. They've already done a lot for me in the past couple of months. They deserve peace of mind, once in a while. So, I came up with a cover story of why Dylan had to move out. It wasn't too dramatic, just easy to believe. And because neither of them knew Dylan well, they bought it pretty easily. I've decided to close that chapter, once and for all. I've got a second chance at life and I'm sure as hell not going to waste it.

Okay, maybe this is the third chance.

Or fourth.

I don't even know anymore, it's hard to keep a count.

As for Ethan and I, things couldn't have been going better. He is fun to be with. E is goofy, smart and understanding. He doesn't unnecessarily push me; he respects my pace. He gives me space when I need it. What else could I possibly ask for?

I never thought I could reach here, though. More than two months have passed without a single incident occurring, without any drama. It feels good. I have to admit, my mind still wanders off to the same dark alley sometimes, when something goes even remotely wrong. But I have stopped acting upon it. I've figured out how to be in control, how to not hurt myself. Janet says it will take time to completely get rid of that feeling. After all, how can you just stop doing something that you've been doing for so long? Self-harming was like an addiction to me. But I've already started to walk on the path of recovery. The scars on my wrist are less noticeable now. Now, I don't get the feeling of dread whenever I think about "tomorrow". I'm not afraid of living anymore.

I was startled by the sound of my phone chiming, pulling me back into reality, away from my mental philosophy class.

'Where are you, babe?' E's text said, him knowing very well that I hated when he called me that.

'I'm just leaving, be there in fifteen. Also, stop calling me "babe". It makes me wanna throw up.' I replied.

'Okay. See you soon, boo.'

'Stop. That.'

'Stop what, sweetheart?'

Why am I dating him, again? I just ignored his last text and decided to smack him on the head instead when I met him later. I got into my car and drove to his place.

Twenty minutes later, I rang his doorbell.

'You're late, you said fifteen minutes.' he said through the door. I could imagine him pouting like a child.

'Well, I'm sorry I can't control the traffic.' I rolled my eyes.

'Stop rolling your eyes all the time, boo.' he said.

'Oh my god, just open the damn door.'

He opened the door without saying another word. He could hear the irritation in my voice, I guess. I gave him a kiss and then proceeded to smack him on the head, as planned.

'Ow, what was that for?' he said, rubbing the back of his head.

'I don't know. You tell me, boo.' I smiled sarcastically.

'Okay, point noted. Never again.' he said, raising his hands as if he was surrendering.
I let out a small chuckle, shaking my head.

'So, what do you want to do?' he asked, sitting on the couch.

'I don't know, wanna watch a movie?' I said passively.

'Boring!' he said in a sing-song manner.

'Then what?' I asked, sitting next to him.

He didn't reply for a while. He tapped his temples dramatically, as if he was deep in thought.

'You have one brain-cell. Don't put too much pressure on it.' I said with a smirk.

'Oh, yeah? In any case, my single brain-cell just came up with an amazing idea.' he said, putting his arm around my shoulder.

I just raised my eyebrows in question.

'You love competitions, don't you?' he asked with a glint of competitiveness in his own eyes. To be honest, my eyes lit up too.

'I'm listening.' I said, giving him my full attention.

'Let's have a cook-off.' he said, standing up. 'The loser has to do whatever the winner wants them to.'