I Am You

Chapter Twenty-Four

I sat at the back, looking down at my black dress, occasionally glancing up at Michelle's mom as she gave the eulogy. She had an impassive expression plastered all over her face. Her words seemed to be carefully picked and revised. It made me angry. I barely got through the service without giving Michelle's parents a piece of my mind. None of the people seemed to actually know her. All of them, including her parents, left as soon as the service was over.

After they were all gone, I walked up to the grave and sat down next to her. My fingers traced her name on the gravestone.

'Natalie?' I heard my name being called by a familiar voice.

I looked up to see Ethan. He gave me a small smile, tears escaping his eyes at the same time.

'Where were you?' I asked him.

He shrugged. 'Michelle hated being around a lot of people.' he said, in reference to all the people present at the funeral before.

'They didn't seem to know that.' I replied coldly.

He didn't keep up the conversation, just sat down next to me. Neither of us said anything. We just sat there, in silence, remembering every moment we spent with her. About twenty minutes passed before Ethan spoke up.

'You agreed to do whatever I asked you to do, remember?' he asked, looking at the grave.

I looked up at his face, a little confused. His eyes were red, his lips trembling.

'The deal was that the loser has to do whatever the winner wants. You agreed. Now, I'm calling it. I want you... to come back. You promised, you can't back out now.' he said as tears started rolling down his face, slightly faster.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as well.

'You can't break the deal. Come back! Please.' he said, this time a lot louder and then started sobbing violently as he brought his knees closer to his chest and hugged them.

I wrapped my arms around him, trying to get him to calm down.

'She would've hated the over-emotional talk.' I muttered after a minute or two.

He let out a soft chuckle. 'Yeah, but I loved doing the things she hated.'

'I can feel her looking at us right now and rolling her eyes.' I said with a smile.

'In a black hoodie.' he added.

After a moment, he stood up and placed his hand on the gravestone.

'I love you.' he whispered to her.

I couldn't help but smile through my tears.

'I'm gonna go grab some pizza. Do you want to come along?' he asked me, wiping his tears off.

I was surprised by the sudden change in his mood, but then I remembered Michelle telling me about the first time they went to get dinner together. Something told me that he was going to the same pizza place.

I shook my head. 'I think I'm going to stay for a little while.' I replied.

He gave me a hug before leaving.

Once I was alone, I pulled out a photograph from my bag. It was the painting that Ethan was planning on surprising Michelle with. He had sent me a picture of it. It was a painting of the two of them, smiling. Michelle looked the happiest I had ever seen her.

'I printed this out for you. I know you wanted to see it.' I said, placing it on the grave. 'When he first told me he was going to use the shades of crimson and red, I was afraid that the painting would look somewhat terrifying.' I laughed. 'But he proved me wrong. You look beautiful.' I said as I let out a sigh. 'You know, when I asked him why he was so fixated on using crimson and red, he told me it was because he wanted to change the meaning of the colour, red, for you. He remembered all the things you told him in that hospital room. He remembered how you were afraid of that colour because each time you saw it, it reminded you of your own blood. "I'm going to help her associate 'red' with a happy memory." he said. He actually loves you, Michelle. And so do I.' I said as my vision became blurry with my tears, yet again.

I leaned closer and put my hands on her gravestone, as if I were hugging her.

'I know, I know. You're not a hugger. But just let me have this, one last time.' I whispered.

'One last time.' I repeated as I tightened my grip around her.