Chosen for Pleasure

4. A Confusing Morning- Revised

(3741 words)

Tears blurred my vision and covered my face, my body shaking with and without intake of air as a rattling filled the rest of the silence. The hard floor was cold even through the thin boxers I was wearing, making me shake even more. I could speed this up by sleeping though the only thing tired was my mind.

I was left to myself, the man responsible gone and hopefully never to return although that was just wishful thinking. His rules stilled played in my head though, over and over like a broken record. Don't make noise, don't try to leave, and most of all, don't cry.

Basically, don't draw attention to myself.

I heard the scraping of a metal door and quickly looked towards the stairs, viciously wiping my face soon after. If I was lucky, he would keep the lights off and not notice my red eyes, though luck hasn't been on my side for years.

I listened to each of the steps, the sound softer than his usual stomps and before I began to question it, the smell of my favorite food filled my senses. It eased my muscles greatly and I eagerly waited for my mom to come into view, the women always knowing how to cheer me up.

"Hey Lance baby, aqui tienes tu comida. Come hijo." She spoke softly, beckoning me to her with a sorry filled smile. Her smile dimmed mine but I still got closer, wanting the food she had made and possibly a hug. (here's your food. Eat up son.)

The sound of metal banging against concreate made me flinch back hard, tears brimming my eyes but not falling. His steps were rough and fast, his breaths to be heard even from so far away. Mom locked eyes with me, frozen in fear and shaking, refusing to look at the man behind her.

"Aleja tu trasero de esa lamentable excusa de hijo!" He grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back, moving her further away from me. She made a small whine in complaint and I cowardly watched it happen, knowing that even if I tried, I wouldn't help her by getting involved. "Esto es tu culpa! Si no fueras maricon, esto nunca hubiera sucedido!" (Get your ass away from that sorry excuse of a son!) (This is all your fault! If you weren't a f@ggot this never would have happened!)

He began to violently swing her head around, causing me to start crying, the situation reminding me of how much of a coward I really was. She always helped me and yet when she is in trouble I just sit back and watch, too afraid of what he might do to me instead. "Eres inutil! Debiles! Una decepcion! No amable!" (Your useless! Weak! A disappointment! Unlovable!)

I continued to sob, the sound of rattling chains and my mother's own tears consuming my mind while his words swarmed me like angry bees. "Hey, Lance. Sh, sh, you're fine, no one can hurt you. You're safe, I'm right here." I slowed my sniffling and glanced around confused, the voice small and almost inaudible.

"Numca debiste haber nacido! Eres inutil! Inutil!" His voice bounced of the walls and brought my eyes back, reminding me that he had my mother in his grasp and was not afraid of hurting her. If I was just a little bit stronger, I would be able to save her. (You should have never been born! You're worthless! Useless!)

"Lance, I'm right here, no one can hurt you. I'll keep you safe. Sh, sh, you're safe, I'm not leaving you." That voice once again filtered through my mind, distracting me enough to not see the hand coming towards me, the hand that would soon turn my vision black.