A Distant Future

A Distant Future Part 19

I ran out of tears to cry but the pain from the few memories refused to leave me alone. The sun came up finally and still I was in the sky gliding on the air current. My few memories that I was able to recall were horrible and ugly. I would be doing the universe a favor by ceasing to exist any longer. Tears flowed once more as I considered my decision. This was for the best. I deserved this. I took one last look around before giving in to the pain.

The cold wind no longer kept me company as my wings responded to my commands and folded up around my body. Ignoring the instinctive desire to unfold my wings and level out was the right thing to do. I closed my eyes for what would be the last time as I fell towards my death. Should my remains ever be found then what was left could be identified by the few records I carried in the satchel with me.

The last thing I saw was the trees coming at me before closing my eyes as the first impact knocked me out. My last thought was that it was better this way. No more pain. No more self loathing. No more tears to waste. No one would miss me after the type of person I had been and the things I had done.

I never expected to see anything ever again. I expected to die and if there was a Hell, then I would go there for eternity to pay for all that I had done. You can imagine my confusion when I found myself not only alive but in a makeshift bed with numerous broken bones and both wings broken as well. I heard a voice but I could not focus on it and I hurt so bad. Blackness overtook me as I prayed to not wake up again.

I did finally wake up again in unfamiliar surroundings with someone in another room talking to another person quietly enough that I could not hear the conversation. I hurt everywhere and knew that I was not done being forced to pay for what I had done to others. Something must have felt that I had not suffered enough to atone for the pain I had inflicted on others.

I wanted to die but I had instead survived. It was not enough of a price that I just die to pay for the pain I had inflicted on others. I had to feel more pain before finally being allowed to die. I laid there and cried silently while wishing I could just close my eyes and never wake up again. What kind of a cruel person had I been that I had to pay such a high price?

I was surprised when a man about my age walked in with wings the same color as mine with minor differences in the pattern. "I am happy to see you awake at last." I said only what came to mind and hoped against all odds he would respect my wish. "Let me die. Please. I don't deserve to live. Why did you save me? I deserve to die." He stopped dead in his tracks and just looked at me with a confused and hurt look on his face.

"Why would I let you die? I have seen your face all my life and now, when we meet, you want to die?" "Yes. Let me die. End it for me and make things right." I broke down in sobs as he gently held me in his arms. "I have a feeling you are here for more than death. Talk to me and tell me what makes you want to die. Surely it can not be so horrible as to make you want to die." "You don't know me. I have done horrible things. I deserve to die for what I can remember."

"Interesting. Talk to me and tell me everything. Maybe together we can find a way out that does not require you to die." I told him everything I could remember and the pain of grasping for more memories that seemed to be just barely out of reach. The things I knew I had done and those I know I had hurt. Through all of it he listened quietly and did not interrupt me. When I finally finished he merely looked at me sadly for a moment before speaking.