And Maybe That's Alright

Can't

"Promise me right now that you're making it out of this alive. Tell me you booked a returning flight." What a polite goodnight. Or was it a good morning? He'd been awake too long to know.

"Ro-"

"No, Ash, promise me." Jethro pushed desperately, knuckles white around the phone pressed to his ear. "Please." He breathed, voice cracking. There was a wretched silence in which Jethro waited for the words he so needed to hear and Clark fought with himself to not give Jethro an empty promise containing a false hope.

This wasn't them. This wasn't how they were and that knowledge hurt more than either were willing to admit.

Clark was never at a loss for words, never found it hard to lie through his toothy grin and never found it hard to talk to Jethro. He'd never once sat silent on call with his best friend and felt anything but light and full and happy.

Jethro was never one to beg, never one to crumble and plead for someone not to leave and never one to not be certain of his future. He'd never once pictured a life without Clark at his side for every step of it.

Jethro prayed to the universe that this was just Clark being dramatic, just Clark having a moment. Something told him it wasn't.

"...turn your camera on." Clark whispered and Jethro rushed to wipe at his eyes before doing so without question. Clark did the same.

And, dear lord, weren't they a sight to see?

Jethro's eyes were red, raw and glassy, eyebrows pinched and face splotched with hazy little blemishes. Clark was rumpled, hair a mess - Jethro distantly registered that he could see Clark's brown roots growing through - and his face was in a similarly wrecked state to Jethro's.

"Hey doll." Clark murmured, smile bittersweet in shape. Jethro shook his head, covering his eyes with the arm that wasn't being used to hold up his phone.

"Please, Ash. Please promise me." Jethro begged and Clark sighed softly.

"I can't lie to you, Ro. I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep." He answered after a moment and Jethro grit his teeth, letting out a low growl.

"You can keep it!" He shouted desperately, bringing his arm off from over his eyes. "Why is everything so all or nothing with you? You don't have to put your life on the line at every chance you find!"

"Ro I'm not- I'm not planning on being killed, I'm preparing for the worst. I need to be prepared, just in case." Clark tried to reason gently, wishing more than ever that he'd gone along with them to George.

"Not to die, you don't!" Jethro fought, voice loud and abrasive. Only Clark would have been able to tell that it was that way through fear.

"Ashton, when people ask me what I see when I think of my future, I lie. I lie every time because do you know what I see?"

Clark stayed silent but shook his head softly.

"You."

"Every single time, I see you. No matter what changes about what I want in my future, what job I want, what my house will look like, how many children I want, one thing always stays the same," Jethro breathed, catching Clark's gaze and holding it "and it's the fact that you are there at my side." He finished earnestly.