Crazy Mind -Destiel-

15- Kissing Solo

Dean pushes open the door to Bobby's spare room and tries not to cringe too hard when it slams against the wall. The room is just as he remembers and he now understands why the rest of Bobby's house feels so cold. This room where Sam and Dean used to live and play, holds all the life and warmth that the rest of the house is missing. He looks around in amazement. Light brightens it trying to entice him in. This was their little room. 

Two small single beds are pushed together in the middle of the room, fresh blue sheets positioned on top of them and ready to be slept on. One window is curtained with a square of starched white cotton cloth that draws over the panes. A long old-fashioned mirror hangs behind the bed, slightly crooked from where he and Sam had re-hung it after accidentally pulling it down. A set of small fabric wing chairs and large braided rug are still forced into the corner, years of them not being adjusted has caused the wallpaper behind to be scrapped off. Their room hadn't consisted of much more when they were younger except the few toys that they had brought with them when they visited. Yet standing in the room now Dean still feels the warmth.

He wonders idly if Bobby had kept it this way in the hope that he and Sam would come back one day and whether he changes the sheets every couple of days for them or if it's just a coincidence Dean will never know.

A knock sounds from behind him and Dean turns around. Castiel stands in the doorway, Dean's bag clutched in his hand.

"You hurt yourself?" Dean can't help the fond smile that pulls on his lips. He shrugs. "I had to make sure he'd understand." Castiel stares at him for a while and Dean can tell what he's thinking. "It was the only way I could think of alright?" He holds his arm out, presenting his wrist to the angel. Castiel steps forwards immediately dropping the bag and cradles the back of Dean's elbow his other hand curling around Dean's own. The contact makes Dean's body thrum as if he's being recharged and the energy radiates between them. He looks up at Castiel and wishes he could see any recognition of what he feels reflected back at him. 

They stare at each other in an odd way, as if having a silent argument and for the first time Dean tries to read Castiel. His willowy frame is relaxed and angled towards Dean. His muscular chest is less than a couple of inches from Dean's. His sculpted face neutral yet fierce. His hair sits on his head looking similar to a birds nest, he likes to imagine it happens when flying. His hands are strong yet at the same time gentle. Somehow Dean always ends up back at Castiel's eyes, a deep blue that steals his breath. He steps closer his cheeks heating as their breath mingles, a shiver running down his spine. As he moves Castiel ends up holding him in a sort of half embrace, his hand still gripping onto his wrist as they stand almost chest to chest. And finally, his eyes drop to Castiel's mouth... oh shit, he wants to kiss that mouth. 

The thought is disturbing but it doesn't seem to deter Dean in the slightest his mind refusing to co-operate with his body. Then again, he thinks he can't remember a time when he hasn't wanted to kiss Castiel and be as close as humanly possible to him. God this is so fucked.

"Dean are we going to talk about this."

It's only then that he realises he had already begun leaning in as Castiel doesn't meet him halfway and instead frowns at him. Embarrassed, Dean shrugs noncommittally, forcing Castiel to let go of him. Castiel knows he has a crush on him. The look on Castiel's face tells him all he needs to know, Castiel doesn't feel anything back. The thought is crushing and he can't even bring himself to be mad at Castiel because how can he expect Castiel to understand his feelings when Dean doesn't understand them himself. He doesn't know if it's a crush if he's honest with himself. He just wants to be around Castiel because he's lonely, that's it, right? Dean's just a child with abandonment issues and Castiel's been unfortunate enough to be caught up in his messed up imagination just because he showed Dean a hint of attention.