Dreams

Ch 6: The party

This chapter has mentions of self harm suicide sexual assult and alcoholism. These are all triggers. So I am warning you.

Once I get up stairs we get into partying. They all welcome Darius to Dream LA. And I congratulate him on becoming a part of that amazing family.

We all drink and dance and sing. There is whiskey beer vodka and Gatorade cola and orange juice. To make chasers. For most of the night I stick to a bit of whiskey. Everyone is throwing down shots and im sitting back laughing talking to Mel. She and Zach dont drink to keep an eye on everyone. To make sure nothing happens.

On these nights of drinking and partying Mel and Zaxh stay sober. Because a few people are under 21 they are only aloud a drink or two. My mom never let me drink but I did anyway. Im not the little angel she thought I was. I refill my glass and mix whiskey vodka and a bit of cola. Earning a look from Mel. I take a sip and sit the glass down.

"Hey!" Bryan came into the kitchen loudly. "Hi!" Mel said laughing. We all laugh as he excuses himself back to the party. I pick up my glass with shaky hands. Quickly putting it down so no one noticed. I hoped no one noticed.

I picked up my glass and excused myself. "Im gonna step outside." I whisper to Mel. She notices my shaky hands and the tone in my voice. "Okay." She said sounding concerned. After a few minutes of me being in the balcony upstairs someone joins me. I take a small sip as I hear the door open and close.

"Hey hunny." Mel said. I give her a half hearted smile. "Hey." I say softly. "Why arent you downstairs?" I ask. "I got worried about you. Whats wrong?" She asks. I take a deep breath before walking around her and sitting in one of the chairs. Patting the chair beside me motioning for her to sit down.

I put my drink on the arm of the chair and I start talking.

"Honestly. A lot. Im thinking about the past. About all the stuff that happened to me. I cant get myself out of the past." I say taking a sip of my drink. "Well. Im here to listen. So talk." Mel said laying her hand on mine. I could tell that she was being serious. "Im gonna let it all out." I say warning her. She caught my warning and moved her chair to sit infront of me. We both sat up and I crossed my legs and leaned on them.

"When I was younger just before I started my modeling career I was in a relationship. And he was older. He wanted to.. Ya know.. And I didnt want to. So he did anyway. No matter how much I screamed and how much I begged for him to stop he wouldnt. So when he was done I told him that we were over. The next day I told my mom after he left and we had charges pressed on him. He was arrested. But he was only 17. He told me to kill myself that no one would ever want me. That I am worthless and I would be better off dead. When I was 16 I tried to kill myslef." I say breaking down in tears.

I showed her my scars from self harm. I moved my arm to where you could see the suicide attempt under my tattoo. Up my wrist under the stem of a rose is where that scar is. "What does that tattoo mean to you?" She asks trailing her finger over the stem. "There is pain in life." I say. "Every rose has its thorns. Which means there is pain in beauty and pain in life. No matter how hard life gets there are better days." I said deepening the meaning of what I said.

"Sonce I was 10 I have been strugeling with cutting. And other forms of self harm." I stand up showing her my scars. On my arms legs and stomach. "Oh." She said. Her voice breaking. "When I was 15 I was admited to a mental hospital. Thats where I found my love for modeling and singing. I was finally healthy enough to go home. So I told my mom about wanting to model and sing. She bought me a camera and a computer and I started posting my pictues on instagram. I blew up and started getting messages from modeling companies. My brother got into a bad car crash that my father died in. My brother is just leaning how to walk again. I started post covers on youtube of other songs and that blew up also. I became famous for my pictures and music." I say taking another drink.

"Wow. Such a load on your shoulders. How do you deal with it everyday?" Mel asked me wiping her tears. "I sing. I write. Or I read." I say wiping my tears away also. "Speaking of which. Can you go get your guitar? Can you play for me? For us." Mel asks. I instantly smile. "You know. Being here. Makes me feel normal. Makes me happy." I say grabbing Mels hand. "Youre welcome here anytime." Mel said.

"Im joing the team. Zach asked me. And I said yes." I tell her. "Thats amazing. Do the boys know?" She asks. "No. Im going to surprise them. They cant know!" I say quickly. "Its a secret I'll keep until they know." Mel said laughing. I laugh as well. "It'll be a few weeks. Im gonna give them a chance to warm up to me and for I to warm up the them." I sat informing her. "I cant wait!" She said and I agree.

We go back inside and everything has mellowed out. Since it was midnight everything settled down. Everyone was still loud and laughing. It made me happy to see everyone laughing. "Ill be back." I say to Mel. She nods and I walk to my truck. I grab my bag out of the cab and my guitar out of the back. Walking back in the house as Mel turned the music off. I close the door and walk over to Mel. She goves everyone a slip of paper telling them to wrote down a few songs.

Everyone one wrote down 1 or two songs. I knew I had a night going for me. Everyone started drinking water and coffee. No one was seriously drunk but buzzed. I poored myself one more glass of whiskey before everything was put up.

Sitting down in a chair in the den I got my guitar out of the case and get a pic out of my bag. Taking a drink out of my glass sitting it down. Mel take a hat and puts all the slips of paper in it. Shaking the hat everyone comes and sits around me. On the couch and in the chairs in the room. Pillows and blackets are brought in the room and everyone took a blanket and a pillow.

1200 words.

I know this chapter is sad and happy in some ways. But things will get better. I can relate to this in some ways. The next chapter will probably be short. Not probably nothing exciting will happen. I dont know. I havent gotten that far yet.