Taken Against My Will

Chapter 8: Confessions and cake

I woke up and tried to move but I couldn’t. Something was holding me down and I started to panic until I saw it was only Alex. My breathing slowed a little and soon enough I was calm again. I felt gross, or rather disgusting. Gross doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel. I’m covered in sweat and when I looked at my arm I noticed blood. Curious I looked closer and saw nail marks. I looked at my other hand and saw blood on the nails. My gasp made Alex bolt awake and in a second he was sitting up looking at me. I quickly hid my arm under the blanket.

“Sorry I woke you, sorry you had to see that.” I apologised, looking at the pattern on the blanket.

“Don’t apologise Lily, do you want to talk about it?” He asked, putting an arm around me. I immediately shrugged out of his arm and stood up.

“No, I’m going for a shower.” I started walking to the bathroom when suddenly he was right in front of me.

“What happened to your arm?” he asked, horrified.

“Nothing.” I tried pulling my arm free but he wouldn’t budge.

“Who did this?”

“Me. I didn’t even know I was doing it so it didn’t hurt. Just don’t worry about it.” This time he let my arm drop and I could feel his stare boring into my back as I walked away from him.

I turned on the hot water and adjusted the cold, stepping in and sinking to the floor. I felt disgusting not only from the sweat and grossness of my body but from re-living that experience. The dream reminded me of the pain I suffered and the arguments I had caused.

After a very long shower which consisted of me curled up in a ball on the bottom of the shower for a very long time before I washed my body to remove the dry blood and sweat, I stepped out onto the cold tile floor. Looking in the mirror I saw a very tired looking girl staring back at me. Her features were the same as mine except her eyes looked tired, dark circles were around them. I don’t feel very tired though, just hungry. My stomach growled so I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, walking out of the bathroom and over to my wardrobe. A movement I caught in the corner of my eye had me whipping around only to come face to face with Alex. Shit.

“Oh sorry… I forgot you might be out here…” I said, biting my lower lip and tightening the towel around my body.

“It’s quite alright, might I say towels suit you,” he winked.

“Perv. Get out.” I said as hard as I could, but he only chuckled.

“Ok. I’ll go but I’m coming back in 10 minutes to talk to you about something,” he stroked my cheek, as much as I wanted to lean into his hand I didn’t, instead I pulled away, closing my eyes. I heard him sigh then the door opened and closed. When I opened my eyes he was gone. I sighed with relief and slid to the floor. I know I promised myself I would fight, and mentally that is what I want to do, but physically my body yearns for him. When he came in last night I felt better at once knowing it was him, my body relaxed and waking up on his chest actually made my morning, even though I’d never admit it to him. Or anyone for that matter. It’s so frustrating! I don’t want to break the promise I made to myself, I want to keep fighting it, but on the other hand I want to break it, oh man do I want to break that promise. I sighed, shaking my head and standing up. I put on a matching bra and underwear set, black and white lace, then put on my jeans, a t-shirt and my converse. I yanked a brush through my hair and waited for Alex to return so I can eat something, I’m friggin starving over here! Those dreams always take it out of me; I get so tired, hungry and disgusted.  I know I should tell him what happened; I mean we do have to spend forever together even if I don’t want to. Maybe talking about it will help. I talked to my mum a little about it but so close to the event it was so hard. Tears welled up thinking about it but I fought them back. A knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts and for that I was grateful.