Dear Jazmyne 2

Doing Me

Its been about two months since I moved to the dorms and heard from Adrian but I've had my head so far into school I didn't think much about him or the situation at hand I've just been trying to better myself. I finally take a weekend to meet up with Sasha to fill her in on what's been going on I dive the hour out to see her she moved to the same town that were supposed to move to not sure where we stand on that I haven't heard from him at all. I call her when I pull up to the house and she comes outside and pulls me into a big hug cause it's been awhile I haven't seen her since the proposal so we go into the house and take a seat on the couch and I fill her in on everything starting from the day his grandma got sick and I'm telling her that him and Andrea were already arguing about something and he got mad at me for caring and basically told me to leave so I left and left the ring with him I'm not sure how he's doing or how his grandma is at the moment and I've just been in my school work he hasn't tried to call me at all no communication no I'm sorry nothing and it's been two months I ended up moving into the dorms because I just didn't want to be in the house that we shared at one point so I left. It's been good tho I've been passing all my classes I'm just trying to be stress free she smiles and says we'll I'm glad you're doing okay given the circumstances and I say yea I try to but let's take this conversation to a restaurant cause I'm hungry she laughs and says come on fatty let's go there's this great steakhouse over here. We get in the car and drive I get a grilled chicken salad  she ordered a steak with loaded potatoes and broccoli were still talking when the food comes out and she got a steak with green peppers and onions. We eat our food and I order a cheesecake to go and we head back to her house we sit to watch a movie she pulls out wine glasses and pours us a glass I go to take a sip of mine and instantly get nauseous and sit the cup down I say I think I just ate to much and say it'll be okay we just start the movie and halfway through the movie and she pauses it at a good part and I say hey what the hell and she's quiet for a second and just says when was your last period? I say I don't know like two months ago I been stressed out so I didn't really think about it why? You ever think you were pregnant I look at her and say wtf you crazy no do you and she says yes I mean that would explain a lot. I say well I feel fine and she says well I want to know come on we're going to the store to get two test we go into the store and grab two she says I'm paying because I want to know and I keep telling her she's wasting her money it's just stress she says I just want to be sure. I laugh at her and we go to the check out she buys them and we head back to the house I go into the bathroom and pee on both the sticks and leave them in the bathroom and come back out and tell her movie then we check she says fine as soon as the movie is over she runs into the bathroom and says maybe I was wrong this one is just negative with one line and this one flat out says negative. I laugh and say told you so now let it go and come on. I throw the test in the trash and we go back to watching movies my weekend with her was amazing and I need to do it more often it's my last day here and I want to go see the house not sure why but I'd like to see how much progress they have done. I tell her that we're having a house built here and I want to go see it even tho I don't know if we'll even be in it together. We pull up to the house and I'm assuming the workers are on break it's quiet I go to the back side and the pool is finished it's looking really good and sitting there I start to cry cause is this even gonna be mine is he gonna bring himself together and come back to me. Sasha sits beside me and say you sure you not pregnant you're being a cry baby I laugh and say get off me let's go my feelings just a little hurt thinking about this whole thing. We go back to her house and I grab my bag to head back to campus I get there and go to Angie's room to pick up Roxie I knock on the door and to my surprise Kd opens it I smile a little and he says awe happy to see me I said no and brush past him and call out Roxie and she comes running towards me and I bend down to pet her and look up and see kloe and her boyfriend and then Angie and a dip in the couch next to her I give her a knowing smile and she mouths testing the waters I smile and say I'll see you guys later they offer for me to stay but I say no I've got to get some stuff together. I leave out and head to my room. I prepare for class tomorrow I know we have a quiz it's a week before a break and I think I'm going to visit my family. I shower and climb into bed and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow I wake up to my phone ringing and it's Adrian I stop breathing for a second and have to remind myself to breath I rejected the call and looked at the time. I've got three hours before I need to be up so I  put my phone on silent and lay back down what's the reason for you calling now it's been two months keep it that way. Nows not the time I have test and I'd like to focus on them.  I can't sleep because I keep thinking about him calling and knowing I'm going to have a ton of missed calls I toss and turn all night and it's time for me to get ready after this test I'm leavening to go visit the kids and take them somewhere. I get to the room the testing is in and take my seat the test starts and I'm almost done and it starts to get really hot and I'm feeling light headed 🥴 I think I just need air so I quickly finish and go to stand up and can't catch my balance. So I stable myself to turn my test in and stumble towards the door it's really hot and I just need cool air and water my head starts throbbing and I fall forward and to my surprise someone catches me and I stand up straight and say we'll thank you I was getting there I'm just lightheaded and need some air I look up and it's Kd and he says uh you don't look to good are you okay and I say yea I think so I should be I just need to get outside he calls kloe over and tell her to come to the testing site as I sit on the side step and get some fresh air and drink water I say I'm fine I may be a little dehydrated I've been drinking more soda than water. Kloe says cool we can take you to get an iv drip at the medical building and I get in the cart with her and say cool and she takes me to the building and we go inside and we talk about my symptoms and options and there going over paper work and ask if there's a possibility that I could be pregnant and I say no two negative test just yesterday and they say okay before we start the iv drip well test for that doesn't take long I'm sitting here bored cause they had class and left so I call Sasha and say we'll you're not the only one that thinks I'm pregnant she laughs and says well we're probably right. I say yea right y'all are all wrong just let it be I'm just dehydrated and stressed out what ima do with a baby. The nurse comes back  I tell Sasha I'll call her back and the nurse says well you're right you are super dehydrated.  & your test came back negative so you need to set up an appointment with your regular provider and see what's up. I say I'll still do the iv and I sit there in silence for the thirty minutes it takes. I go back to the house and pack me a bag and go to my dads to see the kids I'm going to take them to the zoo tomorrow yes I'm letting them skip school the zoo will be empty and it's still educational I think to myself. I get to the house and ring the the bell and open the door and they all come running I pull them all into a hug and say hi guys want to go to the zoo tomorrow and they all start screaming yes yes yes I smile at them and say for us to go the house must be clean and everyone takes off running and starting to pick stuff up I laugh to myself and say they have all day to clean up but doing it now like we're leaving in ten minutes my dad comes down the steps and says this is the fastest I've seen them clean what's in it for them I laugh and say I offered them a trip to the zoo and he says that's all it took to get my house clean he walks towards the kitchen with a very pregnant Brittany in tow I say who's doing the leading you or the baby and she laughs and says the baby that needs to get out. I say one more month and you'll have to give an eviction notice. We all laugh and go our separate ways. The next morning we get up and get the kids dressed for the zoo. We spend all day at the zoo doing everything there is to do they fed the giraffes and played with the birds now everyone is tired we order food at the tee top cafe i get a corn dog and some fries with a water and let the kids get whatever they want.  We sit and eat and everyone is winding down we head to the gift shop and I let everyone pick out two things we pile into the truck and head back to the house after a very eventful day. I get everyone in the house and tell them go shower and bed because they do have to go to school tomorrow they see get sad and say really awe can't you stay one more day today was really fun and I agree to spend the night and drop them off before I have to go to my appointment.  They all agree and get right into bed. I wake up the next morning and get them all ready for school and make them a quick breakfast before dropping all the younger kids off at school the older kids ride the bus I have to stop by Adrian's and pick up some paperwork before I go to the drs hopefully he's still at the hospital and not there because I won't be getting the paper if he is. I pull into the parking lot and thankfully no car so I go unlock the door and go in. It's really clean and I go straight to the bedroom to my nightstand to get the papers and see my rings sitting on top next to our engagement photo. I smile a little and say so he's been home and actually does care I grab my papers and leave I get there and sign in and they call me to the back as I wait for my dr. I go through the pictures we took at the zoo and post some on Facebook with the caption forget about the bad times family always brings me life the post starts getting likes and comments and then I see Adrian's name pop up as someone who likes it then he starts calling me I reject the call. I know most people think I should answer but I'd rather not talk over the phone with him this needs to be done in person after he gets his life together. My dr comes in and I put my phone down and she asks me about what's been going on with me and how I feel I explain everything and she smiles and says we'll that sounds like pregnancy to me I laugh and say not you too and she says yes me to I and say we'll I've taken two test and the school clinic did a test as well and both were negative she seems shocked and says she needs to run her own test. She says she'll be back in about twenty minutes she drew blood and she's gone she comes back and says we'll surprise all the test came back negative she laughs but also looks confused shes says I've got one more thing do you mind this will most definitely tell us I say no go ahead pulls out her ultrasound machine and says we'll that's not weird but it is and I'm like what happened in a panic she turns it around to show me and says that it you're almost 3 months and from my understanding you've had no symptoms at all you've gotten lucky this far. But I'm not sure why all the rest showed up negative I smile and say crazy I thought it was the stress turns out it's a baby I chuckled a little and she just looks at me softly and says no stress none at all. I smile and say I've been stressing less and with this news I'll be even more stress free. I leave the Drs and call Andrea she answers on the first ring and says where have you been I'm confused and I say school what's wrong? & she says nothing and I tell her I'd like to see her grandma but preferably while Adrian's not there because he's clearly going through something and she says you can come now he's gone to work I'm sitting with her now. & I offer her food and she lets me know what she wants and I head that way. I get there and go up to her room and she instantly says you the fish. I laugh and ask Andrea can I talk with Grandma for a moment and she says sure and leaves the room. I walk to her bedside I sit down and say you kept saying everytime you saw me you had been dreaming about fish well I googled what you meant and today confirmed that I had a drs appointment and me and Adrian are expecting me and you are the only ones that know don't tell anyone. She smiles and says this will be my first great grandchild and I won't be here to see this child grow . I say you don't know that you'll pull through. Just don't think like that what about Adrian's siblings kids and she says they are from the dads Side this child will be a first on my side. A little dark humor for you take it to the grave if you will and she laughs a little and says I've got tons of life in me I'm not even sure why I'm still here hooked up as a joke . I smile at her and say between me and you only. she's quiet and she goes I know you guys aren't speaking and I know you gave your rings back but for me and the sake of that child work it out. I sigh and say he's the one that told me leave and that he didn't need me. So I did just that I left I haven't looked back I've just been working on school and getting better finding out I'm pregnant is just pushing me to do better when he's ready to apologize and own up to what he did fine. But until then I won't beg him to be around I understand people handle situations like this differently but he didn't have to say all he said. The door bust open and it's Andrea and she say Jazz gotta go I just seen Adrian pull into the parking lot I kiss Grandma bye and say our secret and I wasn't here while sneaking out of her room taking the stairs. Worst mistake ever I was soo out of breath when I made it to the bottom just as I was leaving Andrea stopped me. She ask what's going on and I say to the best of my knowledge nothing?  She says come on I've been looking for you he's still not taking to me and you weren't picking up calls and I went to the apartment and you weren't there but your rings were and you didn't want to talk to her with him around. I go ohh that it's nothing he just told me to basically take a hint and leave. So I did just that I left he didn't want me there. He didn't want me checking on him he wanted his space so I gave him just that the entire space. Her face falls and she says well I'm sorry on his behalf he really cares about her and I say that's crazy because I do too. I care about him and her and he didn't want me to be there for him so I moved. She asks where I'm staying and I just say I moved into the dorms they had an open room so I took it. Don't mention a word of it to Adrian either I don't want him knowing where I'm at I'll still come by and see her as long as he's not here. She agrees and goes to walk away and the elevator doors open and it's Adrian I just turn and walk away as fast as I possibly can. I make it to the car and I see him at the door looking to see which way I went and I drive off. I go back to the dorms with my news and just hold it all in I keep it to myself no one knows.