Dear Jazmyne 2

What The Future Holds 

It's the day after the funeral and I'm sitting at Sasha's just trying not to go home. I just don't want to deal with this today. I'm barely eating just thinking about this conversation that's about to go down. Sasha comes in and says girl it's gonna be okay. It might be just what you need to hear. I sigh and say I know I just know it's going to be a lot. I'm gonna need a strong apology he missed out on a lot because of the way he acted. Any longer and he could have missed the birth of his child.  Let alone known he had a child it's crazy to me the way he acted I understood his grandma was sick but damn I was just trying to be there for him I'm not understanding why he was so mad about me checking up on them shit she lived seven months longer he was just acting funny. I look up and she's just sitting there staring at me and she says great talk now go tell him all that. I laugh and say girl I really hate you. She laughs and says you know I don't do well with all that sad mushy stuff and avoid it at all cost. I finally get up and clean up my dishes and go throw on a simple dress and some flats I take all my bags to the car and come back in and tell her I'm going to miss her  and she says not for long it'll all work out and you'll be just fifteen minutes from me. I give her a hug and she says well now I think it's my turn to be mad you hid a pregnancy from me soo go ahead and get out ma house. She laughs then goes no seriously get out. Go work things out with your man the longer you sit here the longer it's gonna take. It get in the car and wave bye and start to make that hour drive. I drove in silence with all kinds of scenarios running through my head. As I start to get close I start getting anxious like I want to turn around and not go through with it this baby is killing me I don't ever act like this. I get a little loud and say lol baby it's time for a mfn eviction notice cause you fucking with my reputation. I laugh a little bringing a smile to my face and then I just start to wonder. Are you a boy or girl will you be a mini me or your dad I bet you'll be a daddy's girl your daddy's imperfectly perfect he has his flaws as do I but I won't be upset if he focus all his attention on you. But if you're a boy you've gotta be all about me okay. I want to give you all the attention I want you to be off the wall and I'm threatening to call your dad just to say leave him alone he's just a baby having fun. Even though you were driving me insane I'd never want you in trouble. I pull up to the gate with a smile on my face saying that I'm most definitely going to make the best of this conversation. I punch in the code and drive in his cars there but there another car in the visitor spot for his apartment and I say yes he has company I can extend it a little while longer. I have time to pull myself together. I try to open the door quickly but quietly as soon as I shut the door he calls out to me and I mentally say DAMN I walk towards the sound of his voice. I walk in and there's a nice dressed man sitting there he stands as soon as I approach and Asher as he extends his hand to shake mine I say Jazmyne while shaking his hand with a confused look he says have a seat and I sit next to Adrian and he says okay this is the baby that's been highly talked about. So he continues on and says this unborn child that has been stressed by rose that the baby is a girl. Has inherited a few things but most importantly money she's been given a trust that can't be touched till twenty one. Adrian and Jazmyne you've been left money to go toward the wedding for this house hold that's it. He stands and says it was nice talking with you guys. I sit there while Adrian shows him out. The door shuts and he comes back and says well that's good news. Then goes silent and says would you like something to drink or eat? I shake my head no and he says uh and starts scratching the back of his head. He says well to address the elephant in the room I'm not even sure where to start. We sit in silence and I say start with the apology because at this point that's really all that matters to me. He's silent for a moment then says you know that I'm not the smartest guy on Earth, especially when it comes to understanding someone's feelings. I just realized that what I did was stupid and not okay. How could I be so foolish and insensitive? The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but this stupid inability to control my anger messes with my head every single time. People don't appreciate what they have until it's gone and I can relate to that. I can't stop thinking about how foolish I was, and I can't believe that my anger resulted in me losing the best person I've ever had. I feel like the worst person in the whole world. I'm truly sorry for shouting at you I know you just wanted to be there for me I'm not sure what came over me. I just wanted to be alone and I was angry with myself. I didn't want you to see me like that really and I know we were supposed to be in this together but me acting the way I did I missed out on a lot Jazmyne you're seven months pregnant and felt like you had to hide it from me to be stress free. I feel terrible because I've missed out on multiple appointments I haven't seen my kid grow I don't even know the gender you're having a baby in less than 2 months and I know nothing. Jazz you're the strongest woman I've ever known. Your ability to set boundaries and stand up for yourself helped me to realise that I was wrong. I took a moment to reflect on myself, and I fully admit that what I did was stupid as fuck and I really hope you can forgive me.  I acknowledge the apology and say we'll talk more about this tomorrow. I say I'll see you in the morning and go to the other room and close the door. I open my bag and pull out shorts and a T-shirt and go take a nice hot shower. I get out and put lotion on because I've got an appointment tomorrow I'm down to my final appointments till the baby gets here. I get into bed set my alarm and wrap my hair and fall straight to sleep I'm extremely exhausted.  My alarm goes off and I want to dress nice today so I throw on a black T-shirt dress and some flats