If Only You Could Tell

Chapter Nine

E L L IO T ' S   P O V :

 Everything seemed to close in around me. I sat on my bed, my knees to my chest as my fingers tapped my legs to its own song. I felt lightheaded as my breathing was becoming more difficult by the second. I wouldn't go as far to say I was having a panic attack, but what I had just done was definitely taking its tole.

My mom didn't deserve any of that but I was completely done trying. There was no point trying to apologize, I didn't feel bad at all. I needed it. Going off on Sarah for the past week just wasn't cutting it.

 Finally getting control over my breathing, I wiped the sweat from my palms onto my jeans. It was time for me to pack and get out of here. I couldn't face anyone sitting at that table downstairs, especially Greg. 

 As soon as I unzipped my suitcase and started folding things, Shane knocked on the door. "Ell, can I come in?"

"Sure." I said, sounding more uneasy than I would've liked.

 He stalked in, hugging me from behind. "That was..." He stopped, searching for the right word. "Deep."

I gave a small laugh. "'Deep' wasn't exactly what I was going for."

 Shane let go of me and sat on the edge of my bed. "Ell, are we just going to sit here and pretend that you don't have feelings for me?"

 "What are you talking about?"

 "You said you wanted to give us a try and that's what we're doing, but you've been acting strange since the flight. You don't seem nearly as interested in me as you are in Greg."

 I put down the t-shirt I held in my hands and took a seat beside him. "It isn't that I don't have feelings for you, Shane."

"Then what is it?" He questioned.

 I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. All I can tell you is I have some things to figure out before I'm ready to be with anyone. That was the truth when we first started going out and it's the truth now. I'm not ready for this and it has very little to do with Greg."

 "So, where does that leave us?"

 "We stay friends," I said, trying to make it as easy as possible.

"I figured." He mumbled as he stood up.

 Crossing my arms, I brushed my a stray hair behind my ear. "What is that supposed to mean?"

 "You can forget me, Ell. You can treat me like shit and throw me away probably the way Sarah does with everyone, but don't do that to Greg. No matter how angry you are for whatever reason, you can't let him go. I know it and so do you. I care about you too much to see you unhappy, that's why I'm going to leave. You're only going to be happy with Greg, though. Stop pretending you don't love him."

 Tears filled my eyes as I attempted to keep my expression as emotionless as possible. "Shane?" My voice cracked.

 He stopped before exiting the room. "Yes, Ell?"

 "You're one of the best guys I've ever met. I really hope you find someone that can make you happier than I ever could," I said with an apologetic smile.

He grinned. "You did make me happy. I just wasn't enough for you. Now, your soul mate is downstairs wondering if he should let you talk first or he come up here." He took a deep breath. "Better get going." Shane winked and walked out, shutting the door quietly behind him.

 I did anything I could to waste time before I was forced to go downstairs. I think I folded my clothes neater than ever before just so I could think of what to say to Greg. Neither one of us was prepared for the conversation we needed to have.