If Only You Could Tell

Chapter Eleven

E L L I O T ' S   P O V :

The soft pitter patter of rain, the misty grey that the world became, and the soft, cold breeze that whistled through the trees along side the train whistle. It was all so peaceful and beautiful.

My earbuds sat in my ears but no music playing, I listened to the world around me as I gripped the handle of my suitcase tight. I stalked off the plane surrounded my strangers in a city that was foreign to me.

  Millions of things ran throughout my mind only making me more nervous. What would Kyle say? Would he accept me back? Why hasn't Kyle reached out to me once? I suddenly felt like I was becoming an enormous inconvenience.

I walked up the sidewalk, searching each shop I passed for its name. Finally arriving at the coffee shop that Kyle had suggested we meet at, my legs felt like they would give out at any moment. I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life.

Opening the shop door, a faint chime sounded as I studied the faces seated inside. "Elliot?" A low, smooth, familiar voice called. I jerked my head to the right to see him.

"It's so great to see you," he said with a grin as I walked to him. "Just got here. I was beginning to worry we missed you."

"We?" I hadn't greeted him or brought him in for a hug, only questioned him. I stood awkwardly, holding my suitcase for support as I looked up at him the way I used to.

He nodded, calling over a small child. "This is my son, Peter. If he hadn't taken so long tying his shoelaces, we could've been here sooner," Kyle joked.

Peter was his father's twin. His golden locks fell slightly under his ears. His ocean blue eyes widened and his lips curved into a smile, revealing missing teeth, as Kyle suggested he go play the game machines in the corner.

"Kyle," I said with a smile, choking back tears. "It's great to see you again." He came in for a hug, pulling me to his chest as he wrapped his strong arms around me.

"You're standing, that's amazing!" I exclaimed as we took a seat.

Kyle stuck his leg out, yanking up his pant leg to reveal a prosthetic leg. Nodding, he answered, "Yeah, I got it soon after you told me you had to go home for 'family issues.' I'm not going to lie, Elliot, I missed you," he replied. "I didn't have much company after you left. Everyone in rehab with we was always down, for a good reason, but you would never see one of them crack a smile. We all sat in front of the television, blankly staring into nothingness."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when I was needed," I whispered, barely audible. "I thought you had someone else to watch over you. I'm glad you fought through it."

My selfishness had prevented me from visiting him, attending his wedding, or being there at his Welcome Home party. After I saw him in the airport with her, I completely fell apart. Kyle had no idea, though. How was he to know I had rehearsed every word I planned to say to him when he got home? Or that I had purposely waited for him those years?

"It will be better for the both of us if we end it now," Kyle had said before he left for the Marine Corps. "Nothing will be holding either one of us back anymore. I don't want you to worry about me, Elliot," He insisted. "I love you."

We didn't have any contact while he was away. I would send my letters ever so often, but he never wrote back. The only person that knew he was alright was Greg. Life was on hold again Kyle was in my arms again, at least that's what I told myself.

"Why did you call?" Kyle asked, not prepared to discuss the abandoned state I had left him in. "Is something wrong at home?"

"Kyle, a lot happened. Part of me was praying that you were alone, I don't know."

"You wanted to be the one that I told someone in ten years, I know. You wanted to be the mother of my children. The one I spent the rest of my life with," he said. "Elliot, I wanted that too. But you can't be with someone that doesn't truly love you. I tried to, it didn't work out."

"What are you talking about?"

He reached across the table, holding my hands. "I have an idea why you're here, Ell. You need a friend and you feel like you've lost him. You always loved him more than you could ever care about me."

"How is it that everyone else knows my feelings for him, but I didn't figure it out for years..."

  "Well," he said, laughing softly to himself. "The same way you never knew I left you not because I stopped loving you, but because I hurt you and there was someone better for you. I'm not the one for you and you know that, but it definitely felt like we belonged together for the longest time. Greg is the one for you. You're like the same person..."

  Peter ran back to us, explaining the difficult battle he had in the PacMan game. Kyle laughed and lifted Peter into his lap.

We spent the rest of the morning catching up but the idea of  Greg and I still sat in the back of my mind. "How did you know Greg loved me?"

"How could you not? He's your twin, Ell. He was in love with you before I met either of you. I ruined everything for him and that's why he hates me."

"He says he hates you because you're not the person you claim to be," I argued.

Kyle shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's just the jealousy talking." Kyle did seem different and it wasn't like Greg to plot me against someone he believed would make me happy. Maybe Greg had been right.

After everything, I had been through so many awful things and drug people with me through it. I discovered what I needed: to forget. I was going to live every day like it was the last. I was going to make amazing memories that I desperately needed before I completely fell apart.