In The Field Where I Found You

~Chapter 1~

I love him. A petal floated to the ground.

I love him not. Another petal.

I love him. Another.

I love him not. Another.

I...love him. The final petal fluttered to the grass as it was placed elegantly atop other fallen, withered, petals leftover from his indecisiveness. Semi-blond locks partially blocked his field of vision as he admired the ring of fallen petals surrounding him, sacrificed in hopes that this stupid game would convince Kenma that he didn't need...him...anymore. He was done. He wasn't relying on that man anymore.
Soft pitter-patters could be heard in the petals as some slowly began to dampen. Kenma couldn't keep it inside anymore. That is why he came here, after all. To vent. To hurt. To feel without having anyone know. The all-too-familiar grass field seemed so much bigger without Him. The man that Kenma loved. The man that loved Kenma. The man whom Kenma dedicated himself to.
The man who made Kenma hurt so badly. The man Kenma couldn't let go of. The same man who had taken him here so many times. They came here at night to stargaze. They came here during the day to have picnics. They came here to comfort each other. When one was lost, the other would find him here.
All this, in the same field Kenma alleviated his long-suppressed shattered heart. All his emotions leaked out of his eyes and rolled silently off his cheeks into the petals. Alone in this field, surrounded by wild pink camellias and memories, he let out a poignant sob. Many more came flooding out of him, just as the memories of that man did his mind. The memories continued crashing in. Memories of nights spent burrowed into layers of blankets on the couch watching their favorite movies in the wintertime. Memories of them dancing in the kitchen to "their" song. Him cheering Kenma on at his volleyball games, even when he was on the opposing team. Him cheering Kenma on when he played his video games, despite him not having a clue what was going on. Him kissing Kenma in that very field 2 years back. It all came crashing back, wave after wave, wall after wall of times he wished he could forget. All they had been were harrowing times he never regretted enjoying.

Times he wanted to have back.

But he couldn't. Because that man loves someone else now. Hinata Shoyo loves Kageyama Tobio. It was obvious when Kenma walked into that room and saw Hinata smiling; Hinata is gone. And Kenma knew he'd never get him back. It was time to move on. He had to move on. Kenma knew it was bad, letting himself cry. Letting Hinata break him like this only exposed his weakness. He had to pull himself together, for himself and for everyone else who seen how this killed him. Reminiscing like this only prolonged his feelings. He had to overcome this. He knew it would be hard to ever see Hinata's face again, but it was inevitable that he would. He knew it would be demanding to try to let go of Hinata. Kenma had never loved someone like he did Hinata. He never had anyone love him the way Hinata did. He was patient, kind, supportive...
More tears came as he recalled his past lover. He couldn't stand it anymore. In his black sweatpants and oversize grey t-shirt, he curled up around one of Hinata's old hoodies he had "forgotten" to give back and lost consciousness, enervated by the hours of tears and pain he had newly shed away in Hinata's wake. Kenma just wanted to sleep. He wanted it to be over. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be free.