In The Field Where I Found You

~Chapter 12~

The bench creaked as the combined weight of 2 college freshman boys pressed against it. The sky surrounded them with a dance of hundreds of different shades of colors. Oranges turned to reds that faded to pinks to purples to light blues to dark purples. It was something Kenma never wanted to forget. All the anxiety and fear that had been constantly screaming in his mind seemed to be silenced in these moments. All of the memories that Kenma had made here before all seemed to melt away from his mind. This was one he was making room for; his first time here with Kuroo.
The night had gone perfectly in Kenma's mind. He faced his fear of this place and did it with the person he wanted to be with the most. He made memories he wouldn't- no, couldn't- forget. He was at peace with a lot of things at that moment. One of which being his feelings for Kuroo. Kenma knew he liked Kuroo, there wasn't a doubt in his mind. But if there was, the kiss earlier exiled it from his consciousness. But what filled the now empty space in his head were thoughts of doubt.
Is it too soon? I just broke up with Hinata, and I feel like I should wait a while. But, after what just happened, I think Kuroo likes me too. But I can't assume so I'll have to ask....
Kenma opened his mouth to talk but was interrupted by Kuroo's deep voice.
"Hey, Kenma I'm really sorry about that-" he hesitated "-kiss earlier. I really don't know what came over me. It was a mistake and it won't happen again," The old wooden bench groaned at the loss of the majority of its previously held weight. Kuroo looked at Kenma and bowed to the boy in apology, "Please don't think any less of me now. I'm sorry."
Kenma only heard 4 words. The words reverberated around in his skull, crushing everything they came in contact with. But they also fueled the doubts and skepticism he had earlier. Kenma nodded at Kuroo and looked down at his hands. He tried to mask the feelings of pain and hurt and anguish.

...So Kuroo hadn't felt the same after all.

"It was a mistake" Of course it was. How could someone like him ever like me. It probably was an accident anyway. It's not like it meant anything in the first place. Its over and the only thing I have to remember it by is tonight. Kenma looked at the receding sun once more before his thoughts clouded his mind. Kenma became so lost in his head that he didn't notice Kuroo's eyes flicking back and forth between him and his own hands. Kuroo was starting to lose himself in his thought again.
Dammit! I'm so stupid! Why would I say that? It wasn't a mistake. God it was like 3 seconds of pure bliss. His lips were so small, so thin compared to mine. All I want is to reach out and touch them again. Feel the layer of chapped skin rub against mine. Dammit, Tetsuro! Get your head out of the gutter! He was obviously uncomfortable. God, I'm such an idiot...
They were both now lost in their respective ever-running train of thought, unable to stop overthinking things. They stayed in their trance-like state, eyes focused on the sunset but brains focused on meaningless words for a 10 minute eternity. Kenma was the first to come-to again. He stole a glance at Kuroo's face but found that he couldn't peel his gaze away.
Kenma took his time admiring every one of Kuroo's features. His sharp jawline, his slightly pointy nose, his beautiful hazel hooded eyes, his slim eyebrows placed above his long eyelashes. And finally, his lips. The same full, soft lips that seemed to emit more emotion than words could. Kenma wanted to reach out and caress them with his finger, just so he could feel the warmth that came with them. But he couldn't because Kuroo would be uncomfortable. Kenma wanted to stand by Kuroo forever and by concluding that provoking him like that would only diminish Kenma's chances of that, he banished the urge from his body.
Kenma looked away and realized for the first time that the sun had completely set and it was starting to get late. Kuroo was still staring dead ahead, unresponsive to anything. Kenma took one last look, trying to commit that intense look of focus to memory. Once he thought he'd seen enough, he poked Kuroo in the arm. Kuroo snapped to attention and looked at Kenma.
"Hmm? What's up, Kenma?" Kenma checked his phone before he answered his friend.
"Well it's getting kinda late. Plus there are no lights around so I want to get out of here before we can't find the exit," Kenma said quietly. Kuroo looked around and was confused at how the atmosphere had darkened so quickly.
"Yea your right. Let's get going," Kuroo and Kenma stood and the sounds of their uneven footfalls retreated further and further from the bench.
They reached the bush and shared a look of concern. Was Kuroo gonna get stuck again?