Internet Infatuation (YouTuber Fanfiction)

Chapter XIV

I just changed my icon for the first time and I apologize in advance.

This chapter is a mess, just to warn you. I've never been fluent in Phan, so I apologize for especially cringe-worthy stuff, and also how short it may end up.

Also go listen to Haley Reinhart's Idol performance of Bennie and the Jets you fucktards.

Dan POV

I honestly don't know why I admitted to Phil that it wasn't a bad idea to kiss him. Then again, I don't know why I say a lot of things, when it comes to the dialogue of Daniel Howell.

Phil looked at me in thinly veiled surprise, trying in vain to cover up his shock but failing miserably. He didn't look angry or sad or happy or excited or anything, but it's not like I explicitly said we should kiss. I simply said that I wouldn't mind kissing him.

There is a difference, right?

"Oh," Phil mumbled simply. A flurry of red blossomed across his cheeks, and I wondered what he was thinking right now. After everything that's happened between us, throughout our friendship and even just this trip, if we're thinking recently, I can't help but wonder if he would go through with it, had I told him we should kiss right here, right now. I know I would, if he was fine with it.

"Why, does that surprise you?" I ask, blatantly curious about that as well. I figured that he was fairly oblivious to the length of my feelings towards him, but I thought that he at least realized that I see him as more than a friend. I haven't exactly his it, but then again, it's not like I've paraded it around. It's like a gay person who didn't fit the stereotypical appearance for a gay person; they're sure as hell not going to strut around with a rainbow flag wrapped around their shoulders every day, but it doesn't mean that they're not gay. Just because something isn't blatantly clear doesn't mean it's not true or evident.

Phil bit his lip, which I have to admit stirred something inside of me that I'm not exactly proud of or exactly ashamed of, and hesitantly replied,"In a way, I guess. I think it would be more surprising, had the shipping from all of the fangirls not already been bored into my mind after so long, so the idea of it isn't shocking. Otherwise... It probably would be, honestly." He let out a nervous chuckle after his explanation. It made enough sense, but at the same time, I could tell he was hiding whatever he was truly thinking. I knew better than to push him, though, because it was Phil; I would never push him, because he's my best friend, and I loved him, and he would never push me or even coax me into doing or saying something that I didn't want to, because that's just the type of person he is.

"So..." I began, trying to make sense of what he presently said,"You believe a lot of the fan theories about us?"

"I wouldn't say necessarily believe it," Phil stuttered out quickly as if in reassurance,"It's just that after hearing it so long, I guess it's not the most shocking thing in the universe." I felt bad for making him react this way, as if I would be mad either way if he had his doubts in the falsity of the accusations coming from even our more explicit fans. He just looked so worried, like I'd hate him for thinking that, or even hate him for anything, really.

"I think I get it," I said. "So, you don't think anything they've theorized is true?" I asked. I'd honestly be surprised if he truly believed that none of it was true at this point, but then again, he might even answer that no, he didn't think any of it was true simply for my benefit. And as much as I don't want to push anything out of him, I really wanted to hear the truth. The whole, unadulterated, uncensored truth.

I guess I should really be the one who tells the full truth first, but honestly, I wasn't sure I could at this point. If I really had misinterpreted everything about the way Phil feels about our relationship, then that would just be simply mortifying. He might even ask me to move out, for all I know, though I don't really think that that's Phil's style.