Internet Infatuation (YouTuber Fanfiction)

Chapter XXIII

IMPORTANT: I published this chapter a bit earlier, but took it down and added more to it in the middle or so, you if you read it about ten minutes after I put it up, RE-READ IT AGAIN.

The song above has nothing to do with the chapter, but it's a really fucking good song that you've already probably heard but just listen to it again and watch the video and everything because it's my "It Song" and I'm in love okay? Okay.

Also I didn't talk about it before but TROYE IS A MODEL HOLY FUCKBALLS.

He really reigns, doesn't he? Ugh God I want to talk to people irl about it but they're all homophobes so that's out. Also, I just copied all of my stories in my notes, and it's such a reassuring security blanket and I'm so happy, because someone my story was freaking out on them and I can't access comments on in-line paragraphs and a few people are having the same problem but when someone told me that YTM was giving them issues it freaked me out because it has over 17k reads and just broke 1,000 comments and votes ( yay! ) and I can't lose it now. But I'll never lose it completely now, and I did the others too so that's cool. Also, I'm sorry this chapter is short, but the next will be Troye too so cool.

Troye POV (( finally, my comfort zone ))

"Troye, is this about the kiss?"

Tyler's sudden, reluctant yet steady words reverberated around my mind, and shocked me into place. I didn't make a sudden move, because I was too scared to do otherwise. He said the words. I didn't think he'd do it, but he said them.

I really wish he hadn't said them.

His words had no exact input on what he would think if it was about the kiss, but if I answer yes-and this is including every variation of yes-then it will change everything for good. It could change in the way that I can only picture when my guards are down from myself, to where we could be together and happy ( very likely I know ) or it could change and put a strain on our relationship, even if we never talked about it. It could also change drastically, if he were to outright hate me for letting myself fall for him, when I wasn't ever supposed to in the first place. I don't think he would hate me for something I can't exactly control, but I can't help but list it as a possibility. Besides: everyone knows that people lower their expectations so that when it turns out better, they can say it 'exceeded expectations.'

I just wish I had an idea of how he would respond, so that I can choose my words carefully and escape any possible predicaments that won't end so well for me. I loved him, I loved him so much, and I couldn't bear the mere thought of losing him in any way. Even if I were to tell him the truth, and he said that we can still stay friends but that he'd never consider dating me, we'd lose an untarnished part of our relationship that could probably never be replaced.

I like to think of it as nail polish, from the way my sister describes it. You can paint a nail perfectly, but it you chip it before it dries, then it's chipped. There's no fixing that. You can try to cover it with more paint, but if there's not enough, it will still constantly show. If there's too much, it will feel fake, and covered up too much to even be real or genuine anymore. Sure, you can always remove the polish and start fresh, but you already had the perfect foundation for it. You then have to decide if it's even worth starting over, and working your way back to where you left off before tarnishing things, or if it was simply worth a try at the time, but now there's no motivation because you know how it ended before; it would just be a lost cause.

I guess I have to avoid chipping the perfect paint job in the first place.

I ran my tongue quickly across my lip, and answered in a measured tone,"I'm not mad, if that's what you mean."