Internet Infatuation (YouTuber Fanfiction)

Chapter XXVII

For those who didn't see my last update, with the excerpt from Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver, featuring flaming homosexual Phil Howell.

Caspar POV

I walked in the room with a newfound determination after I realized that I should just go for it, and tell him the truth with no plan, knowing that that was how I did things best. I went into the living room, where he was still lying on the couch watching TV, apparently having never left his spot since I left with Troye, and watched as he glanced up at me in surprise. "You're back already?"

"Yeah. Listen, we have to talk, Joe," I said hastily, before I lost whatever courage I had miraculously gained at the moment. Bravery is a weird thing; you can retrieve it from just about anything or anywhere, yet it can be gone in half a second once your initial fear is triggered. Knowing that, I knew I had to tell Joe quickly.

"Talk?" he asked in surprise. "Is everything alright? What happened with Troye?"

"Troye's fine," I said to reassure him, waving away his worry with a brisk flourish of my hand. I sat down opposite of him on the couch. "This isn't about him."

He licked his lips as he pondered that. "What's it about, then?" he asked warily, clearly wondering if he was in some deep shit right now. Depending on how he took the news of what he did that night, be might be, but I'm more likely to get backlash, having kept the truth of that night to myself for so long without discussing it with him.

I breathed in slowly, the anxiety of what I was about to do creeping in once again, having arrived at the apprehensive look on his face. "It's about you. And me. And us. And..." I trailed off, swallowing with difficulty, then continued. "And it's about what really happened that night."

He tipped his chin upward slightly, a barely discernible movement but one that clearly spoke,Go on. I couldn't help but notice that he didn't seem surprised, but I guess I wasn't the smoothest at covering up the events of that night when approached with the question, anyways. Not to mention that Troye has to cover for me when he initially asked, at the beginning of the trip.

"You were drunk, that much was true. I was drunk too, but not nearly as much as you. You were a little unsteady, so I suggested that we watched a movie, and after that, we went upstairs to the couch to watch a movie, like we always do. We, uh, cuddled, I guess you could call it. I didn't think much of it at the time, because we've always been a little handsy with each other, and you were really drunk, but whatever, that's not very important."

I paused, realizing that I was probably going too fast for him to understand, but he was still staring at me intently, his eyebrows creeping up his forehead with each word. He nodded his head once, telling me to go on, but I knew that this next part was crucial. I told myself that I wouldn't plan what I did, but this was like flipping a coin. There were two options, heads or tails - tell him that we kissed, or skip over it pretended that this was another prank - and I didn't know which option was more preferable. I might never know, unless I actually relived this moment, at least once, and went through the aftermath of each choice.

Id like to do that with a lot of things I'm unsure of, honestly, but unfortunately, it's impossible to turn back time, unless you're Hermione Granger.

But then I saw Troye's face, when I first walked out of the hotel and saw him distraught on the side of the street, the result of not telling Tyler the truth, and instead acting on a sudden impulse that he regretted just after it was done. 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'

"You kissed me." I noticed an abrupt stop in his breathing, but I kept going anyways. "You kissed me, and I kissed you back, and I should've told you before, and I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry."