What If...

Chapter 9: FN-2187--Lost in Combat

Rey's POV

I was in the forest, training vigorously with my lightsaber. Maybe a little too vigorously. Oh, well. It was a nice change from crying.

As I practiced, I listed everything that had happened in my head.

Unbearably painful disease. A tree lost a branch.

Kidnapped by an insane dathomirian Sith. The ground received a new rut.

Torture. A vision that partially came true. A tree was cut down.

Almost choked to death by the same insane dathomirian. Another tree.

Finn is gone. Nothing I could do. But I could've tried. I should've tried. I should've helped him! It's my fault! Another tree. And a rock sliced in half by my yellow blade.

This is the spot I last trained him, I realized. Another wave of grief swept through me and I threw my lightsaber.
A new ring of cut down trees surrounded me.

I looked around at the destruction I'd created and kept practicing.

"What'd the forest ever do to you?" A familiar voice called out.

Instinctively, I swung around, blade in hand ready to strike, and almost decapitated Ben.

Luckily, he caught my wrist in time, and his head was spared.

I tried to wrench my hand from his grasp. I didn't really want to see him. I felt too bitter.

He wasn't letting me go. "I feel it too," he whispered. Of course he did. Stupid dyad. That wasn't my only surprise, though. He pressed his lips to mine forcefully. It felt so good, so impossibly good, that I relaxed into it. It was a very nice respite from the constant grief, tears, and training. I lost myself in the kiss, and my saber fell from my hand. I heard it's dull thud on the ground.

It was that sound, that small sound that reminded me of Finn hitting the ground, and I pulled away back to reality. And kept practicing.

"Are you ever going to actually talk to me again?" He asked.

"Are you ever going to stop trying to make me get better?" I retorted as I swung my saber.

"Answer my question and I'll answer yours. After all, I asked first.

"Yes. Eventually," I replied hollowly.

"Okay, good. You let me know when that happens," he said teasingly.

He was trying to make me laugh. I appreciated it, but at the same time I resented it. A month after his death? Really, Ben?

"Now you answer my question," I said slightly demanding.

He sighed. "No, I'm not going to stop trying to help you, Rey. Because I love you."

I swivelled around. "A month, Ben. That's how long it's been. A month. You can't expect me to be better right now. Do you?"

"No! Of course not! It's just..." He trailed off, thinking of how to put it into words. "I want you to be. I want you back."

"Well, I'm not gonna be back after a week. How about this: I'll try to get better, I'll really really try, if you stop bothering me about it."

I was too harsh. He looked at me, hurt all over his face. "Okay then. If that's what you want."

"Yes, that's what I want."

"Okay then."

"Okay."

And he left me alone.

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Hey! Sorry for the super short chapter! And it's a little late because well first I got sick and had no wifi. Then I got to school and the chapter had deleted itself, so I had to rewrite it. And yeah, Rey's being, well... Depressed Rey? Okay, yeah. The next chapter will be longer. Sorry again!