𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰𝒔 𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅| 3

1: listless

𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒂 𝒃𝒐𝒙:
"𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆"
𝒃𝒚 𝑩𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒂 𝑩𝒐𝒚 𝒇𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒛𝒚
*

❝I'm drowning in the dirt and all I can see are shooting stars.
The hole in my chest is bigger than my fist.
It's constant beat, reminding me of my stupid mistake.❞

_Asa's diary.
*

Asa

For days, I floated around, listlessly, choking on sobs and what-could-have-beens. Trying to fill back the gaping hole that Olanma had left for the rest of us.

At first, I was in denial. It didn't happen, it didn't happen, it didn't happen. And then, I'd wander into Olanma's now empty room, feeling dread, grip in my throat.

It did happen.

I didn't want to, but it brought back memories. Awful memories. Seeing her lying lifeless on the ground brought back memories I had succeeded in pushing to the deepest recesses of my mind. Memories that started haunting me all over again. I woke up screaming, every night since I returned from Offshore. It was always the same dreams every night.

The scenes kept alternating. Olanma. Dad. Olanma. Dad. Olanma. Dad. Vomit. Blood. Vomit. Blood. Vomit. Blood. Both of them in a pool of their own body fluids. Both of them, pre meditated, self inflicted, well planned, a single intent: the hope of escape. Once in a while, I'd sink into a short dreamless sleep, until panic shot me awake again to pay attention to my reality.

I sat, staring at the space in front of me, tears pricking my eyes as I tried and failed to come up with a reasonable reason why she had done what she did.

Memories from not so long ago, reenacting, in front of me.

"They called me a dullard again." She had told me once. "My teacher made the entire class sing 'Olodo rapata' for me... It hurt."

"Did you tell your mum about it?"

"Mum thinks I should study harder."

"You should."

She had looked at me quietly and walked away. I hadn't said what she wanted to hear.

Suddenly, snippets of conversations I've had with her, started filling my head.

That time Yanis went missing. Days before he returned with a big leather bag, filled with money.

"I don't want to go to school anymore." Olanma had whispered after her mother left the room.

I had gaped at her, mouth, hanging open. "Why?"

"School is not for me." Her voice had been precise, clear. Like she had prepared for that moment. "I'm failing in class and I don't know how to study. I'm wasting mummy's money. I want to learn a trade."

"Mummy won't even listen to you." Tasha had scoffed. "It's because she did not go to school, that is why she can't apply for a raise. She doesn't want us to go through the same thing that's why she's struggling to make sure we have an education."

"Education is not a guarantee you won't struggle in life." Olanma had whispered.

Tasha had narrowed her eyes at her. "Who is this one forming philosophical for? Eat your food jare!"