Drowning

Chapter 49:

The next day after work, my world was flipped upside down when Ezra's car was in front of my house when I got home. Why would he be here? I had nothing to say to him. I looked in my driveway and both my parent's cars were gone. I tried to avoid looking over at the driver's side when Ezra's dark hair popped out of the car. His long, lean body still called me to him.

I wanted to turn my car around and drive away. He would never be able to catch up to me if I left now. I knew that wasn't going to be an option at this point. I pulled my car onto the street right behind him and turned off the ignition. I felt like I was hyperventilating and everything was moving in slow motion.

I opened my car door and climbed out. My stomach flipped at the sight of him. I felt like I was going to throw up on the sidewalk. I smelled like onions. Maybe that would keep him from trying to get close to me.

"Hey." He said, leaning up against my car with his hands in his pockets.

"You need to leave."  I slammed my car door and stormed past him without a second glance in his direction. I ran up to the porch and fumbled, trying to get my key in the lock.

"Riley, please." He called as he ran up behind me.

I finally got the key in the lock and turned the doorknob to open it. I pulled the door open and tried to shut it after I walked through the doorway. He stuck his foot in the doorway and held the door open so I couldn't shut it behind me.

"Riley, don't be like this. Just talk to me." Ezra begged through the crack in the door.

"I do not have anything to say to you." My voice quivered and threatened to break. I wanted to sound strong, but I was doing a pretty terrible job at it. "Leave me alone."

I tried to shut the door again and he pushed it open wider. I would not win a strength contest with Ezra. If he wanted to get in here bad enough, he would find a way to move me out of the way.

I closed my eyes, accepting that he would not go away until I listened to what he had to say. The stormy gray covering his blue eyes lightened when I stopped fighting him and pulled the door open to let him in.

He stepped in the doorway and moved closer, trying to touch me. I put my hands up for him to back off. I would break if he touched me again.

"Ezra." I sighed. "It has been a really long day and I smell like a pizza that has been left in a hot car for a week. I'm not really in the mood to talk to you right now. You shouldn't have come here."

"You didn't give me much of a choice. I've been calling and texting you and you haven't picked up once. No one has heard from you for weeks. Everyone is worried about you. What else was I supposed to do?" The heat was pouring off of him as he began to lose his temper.

"Take a hint? Get in your car, drive away, go find some other poor girl who will put up with your shit. I'm sure Mia is available. You should call her." I suggested callously.

"I don't want Mia. I want you." Ezra stared down into my eyes.

"Ezra, you were all over her and you didn't even think about me at all. You didn't even try to hide it. You threatened to do things with her because I wouldn't do what you wanted me to. You can't have it both ways. I am telling you now that I am done. We should have never hooked up in the first place. It was a bad idea for us to think we could fool around and come out of this without one of us getting hurt. I just happened to be the one who got hurt. We can't go back. We can't be friends. This has to end."

"Riley, I..." He started to whisper softly.

"Just go." I said as I turned to walk up the stairs to get away from him. I didn't turn back to look at him because the tears were pouring down my face.

I shut my door and went to turn on the water for a shower. I climbed in without testing the water and burned my skin. I had to hurry to turn the hot water down. I stood there, shaking and crying under the water for what felt like hours.

When I finally had enough, I pulled out my favorite peach and cherry blossom shampoo and massaged it into my scalp. I rinsed and added the conditioner. I scrubbed at my body with my bath sponge and rinsed myself off. I wrapped my towel on my body and headed back out to my room. I was glad to be alone with my thoughts without anyone here to judge me.

I screamed when I saw Ezra sitting on the edge of my bed. This was not happening. I had told him to leave, what was he doing in my room? I couldn't be alone in a room with him, not now—not ever.

He was looking at me wrapped in a towel. His eyes were red, swollen, but still rimmed with hunger as he took in the way the towel was hanging on my body.

"Go home, Ezra." I said in a hard flat tone.

"I'm not leaving." He got up off the bed and walked towards me and wrapped himself around me.

"Get off me." I tried to push him away, but he was much stronger than me.

"I'm not going to ever let you go. I wasn't going to do anything with her that night. I would have never done that to you." He had tears running down his face like he had actually been suffering too.

I didn't speak and I stood there frozen with his arms wrapped tightly around my body. I wasn't sure hearing any of this would make me feel better. I didn't even want to forgive him.

"You can't deny what I saw." My mouth barely opened, letting the words escape from deep inside of me.

"I was talking to Mark and she found me. I was drinking a lot and she was trying to get me and Mark to go into the alley with her. She said she wanted to party. When I saw you, I wanted you to come with me, not her. I thought Mark might want to get at her. I made a mistake. I drank too much and made a bad decision." He buried his head into me. His hands couldn't hold me tight enough.

"Why am I supposed to believe that? I saw you with her, Ezra. I'm not stupid. You were laughing at me. You had your arm around her."

"You saw her trying to get with me." Ezra attempted to defend his actions.

"You didn't stop her!" I screamed. "You wrapped your arm around her while I was standing right there. You didn't even push her off when you got caught and then you said you were going to let her blow you while I watched. Ezra, let go of me. I don't want you to be anywhere near me." I pushed him back again and he stood defiantly towering over me.

He tangled his fingers through my hair, pulling it to tilt my head up. Ezra leaned down fast to bring his mouth to mine. His tongue forced my lips apart and pushed into my mouth. He pulled back and bit my lip. My body reacted to him even when my brain was saying no. He guided me over to the bed and pushed the weight of his body against mine until he was lying on top of me. My wet towel was the only thing between his hands and my bare skin.

"Ezra." I said, trying to pull back from him. It came out more like a soft moan.

He lifted my leg up and ran his hand along my inner thigh.  He began to try to pull the towel from around me as his mouth hungrily devoured me. I held onto the front of it as tightly as I could. His hands moved down and began to unbutton his jeans.

"Ezra, I can't do this."  I froze, holding the towel tight around me.

"I love you, Riley." He pulled back and looked down at me. He stroked my wet hair back from my face.

He was breaking my walls down, his vulnerability visible all over his skin. I knew I was not ready to see him so he could find a way to drag me back into this chaos.

"Ezra, this is too much right now." I whimpered with him, still pressing against me.

"Give me another chance Riley.  I promise I can be better for you."  He said, running his thumb over my cheek.

"I need some time. Please give me some time." I wept.

"I'll give you some time." He bent down and kissed my tears softly. "We can take this as slow as you need. I will follow your lead."

Ezra stood up and took one last look at me before opening the door. He closed the door behind him. I pulled myself into a ball and began sobbing. I didn't know what I should do.

Was he telling me the truth?

Should I let him back in?