Drowning

Chapter 56:

Ezra hadn't called or texted me in the three weeks since our argument in the park. He needed to make this right, not me. Still, the silent distance from him was deafening. I wasn't quite sure why I still thought about him the way I did, but I couldn't let him go. I kept wishing he just needed time to process the pregnancy. Deep down, I knew I was alone in this. His silence was sending me spinning. I could barely sleep. I could barely eat without him.

My pants were starting to get a little tighter. Every time I looked in the mirror, I could see how my body was starting to change. The bottom portion of my stomach looked like I was constantly bloated and my breasts were a little fuller. My body was uncomfortable and I was feeling lost in my own skin. Everything was changing faster than I ever expected it to and I wouldn't be able to hide it much longer. I was not going to be one of those girls who only popped out during their last trimester. I was going to blow up like a balloon.

The clinic called me and set up the appointment for my first ultrasound next week to hear the baby's heartbeat. I wished I was more excited about the thought of seeing my baby for the first time. It hurt that Ezra would not be there to share this with me. Aiden and Brynn were trying their best to fill the void he left, but it would never be the same. He was the father of the baby growing inside of me and he wanted nothing to do with either of us. The beautiful dark-haired boy stole my faith in all that was good and replaced it with only pain, anguish, and regret.

Brynn and I did some research and decided the best time to tell my family would be after the appointment. All the advice we could find said to wait to tell people until after you saw the heartbeat. In one week, I was going to sit my family down and let them know about the baby. They would be so disappointed in me for being so careless. JD would scream at me and demand to know who the father was, but I would never tell him. I was never going to tell the truth to anyone other than Aiden and Brynn. They had promised to keep my secrets for me.

"Peanut, is there something wrong with the food?" My Mom asked me at dinner. She had been watching me push food around my plate every day since Ezra ghosted me. I smiled at her and shook my head.

"You've been quiet lately, Lil Bit. I can't remember the last time you came over." JD interjected.

"I've been busy." I tried to smile at my family around the dinner table. It was too hard to pretend to be normal when all I wanted to do was hold my stomach and cry for help.

My Dad was shaking his head at me. I felt lucky that he wasn't going to jump in on the pry into Riley's darkest secret intervention. He wouldn't push me even if he knew I was not in a good place. My Dad grabbed my hand and squeezed it on the table. His hand on mine had an instant calming effect on my body and my shoulders relaxed a bit, releasing the tension I had been holding.

"Well, you're missing out." JD said, shoveling mashed potatoes in his mouth. He continued talking with his mouth full. "Aiden and Brynn have constantly been fighting around the house. Anna threatened to kick them out. I tried to tell Anna she didn't live there and couldn't kick Aiden out of his own house. She got mad at me and locked me out on the porch."

"Riley, you didn't tell me Aiden and Brynn were fighting. I hope everything is ok between them." My Mom looked at me, trying to make small talk.

"I try to stay out of it." I told her, shoving more food into my mouth so I didn't have to talk anymore. My hand rested on the little knot in my stomach. It had become a strange new habit over the last couple of weeks. I'm surprised no one else noticed how my hand always went there and lingered.

"Well, I hope it works out for them." My Mom said. "JD, how are Mark and Ezra doing? I haven't seen either of them lately either."

"Mark is Mark, nothing new with him. Something is going on with Ezra. He's been missing a lot of band practices and work. I thought a few weeks back he might have had a girlfriend that he wasn't telling us about. Last week, I walked in on him crying, holding some girl's bra and panties. I don't know, maybe it's a weird fetish and he cries while beating off into women's underwear." JD said, laughing.

"James Davis! That is not appropriate for the dinner table." My Mom scolded him. "Your little sister is sitting right here! You shouldn't say things like that in front of her."

I felt my cheeks growing warm. I had lost quite a few bras and panties in Ezra's room.

"Seriously, Mom, it had to be from a girl he was seeing. They didn't look like they fit him." JD pounded his fist against the table when my Mom's eyes went wide.

"JD, that's enough." My Dad said, trying to hide his amusement. Dad and JD's humor was on the same level. My Dad was mentally patting JD on the back for his wit.

We finished dinner and I listened to JD rattle on about music and work. I stopped paying attention when everything became Anna this and Anna that. I'm happy JD had found his one and only, but I didn't need it rubbed into my face when I was grieving over Ezra.

Before he left, JD invited me to a party the next night. He had told me it was an end of summer bonfire at Aiden's Grandparent's farm. I tried multiple times to back out, but he insisted he was going to pick me up and drag me out of the house. He said that Anna missed me and asked him to beg me to come. I finally gave in to get him to shut up.

"Be ready at 7:00 PM. Anna and I will be over around then to pick you up." JD said, wrapping me in a hug before he left.