Drowning

Chapter 59:

My heart was snapped in half and I couldn't breathe.

Would JD ever be able to forgive me for what I did?

Ezra crawled over to me and he pulled me onto his lap. His arms wrapped around me and he held me tightly against him. He tucked my head under his chin and pressed his lips against the top of my head. I released everything I had been holding in for the last few weeks into his chest.

Ezra continued to stay silent as he stroked my hair. The only noise in the small room was the sound of my muffled cries. It felt like I had been crying for hours into him. My tears clung to the fabric of his shirt. I have given Ezra every piece of me that I had to give. There was nothing left of me and I was even losing my family for him.

I looked up at him when I had no more tears left to cry. He was staring down into my swollen red eyes with a tender expression. He bent his head down to gently brush his lips against mine. He was hesitant and unsure, not quite sure how I was going to react. Ezra's body relaxed against mine when I kissed him back.

I could taste the copper of the blood from his split lip as he continued to press his lips against mine. My lips parted slightly, ready for his tongue. My prayers were answered when he brought his hand to the nape of my neck and bit my bottom lip. I could feel the pressure building deep within me. I wanted to feel him on top of me again, to have him run his fingers down my body and over all the places that drove me wild. I just wanted to be with him again, even though this was all wrong for me.

Why did I keep letting him back in?

Why couldn't I ever break myself away from him?

This was not healthy for me to want him this way. I had spent the last few weeks crying over him. He would sleep with me and then tear me down. I was going to let him do it to me again and again. Ezra would always win if I kept letting him do this to me. I had to end this before it ruined me. I had to break my own heart to save myself.

"Stop." I said in a voice much stronger than I knew I had inside. I pushed him away and stood up off his lap. He was still sitting on the floor and looked up at me, confused.

"What's wrong?"

"This can't happen again. It's not good for either one of us. We can't do this anymore."

"What's this about Ry? Is it because of JD? You know he will forgive you."

"No, it's because of this." I motioned between the two of us. "It's because you treat me like crap and then I forget it all when you come running back. I let you in every single time and in every way possible. I deserve better than this. I have to start thinking about my future and the needs of the baby."

I walked over to Aiden's sweatshirt on the floor and picked it up. I quickly pulled it over my head as Ezra sat there dumbfounded, trying to collect his thoughts through his drunken haze.

"We are not going to talk about the baby right now." He stood up and slowly made his way to me. He grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me into him. I pulled my arm away from him.

"This is what I mean, Ezra. You always do this to me. You shut me down."

"I'm not talking about any of this tonight. We can discuss it tomorrow. Come here and let me touch you." He made another move towards me again and I put my hands up to deflect him.

"Not this time." I turned around and walked out of the bathroom and through the dark hall. When I got to the kitchen, I could see Aiden and Brynn sitting down at the kitchen table. Aiden had his head down and Brynn looked furious. It looked like I just walked in on them fighting. When I approached, Aiden raised his head and looked up at me through his lashes. There was a deep sadness in his eyes.