Chapter 23

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** Hey hey!! This took me longer to write than I intended it to. The absolutely GORGEOUS banner attached was made by my lovely, talented, angel, perfect bestest friend @unnknown_ -- if you didn't know, she writes as well. 'Tomorrow' and 'To the End' feature Erin, who she lets me use in this story cuz I let her use our darling Natty Light. I can't stop staring at the banner. Anyway. I love you all, and I hope you enjoy.

I sank to the floor, frustration coursing through my body, and leaned my head against my knees. I was feeling overwhelmed, and before it all became too much, I needed to cry it out. Silent Playground (minus Delia) had finished our final album and were currently touring it, and being away from Levi was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Every day I woke up, had my morning FaceTime with Louis and Levi, and contemplated leaving the tour. Rick and Garrett were usually the ones that found me mid-breakdown, and it had been their idea to have Sutton join us on tour. Sutton had been a big help for me mentally, but as much as I loved Sutton and appreciated him, he wasn't Levi. I missed my bright, happy little boy who gave me snuggles every morning and every night, who made me laugh and filled my life with so much love and happiness.

We had a couple off days in Cleveland, that happened to be the same time as my anniversary with Sutton, so he had gotten us a hotel, the very same hotel we had stayed in when I visited him on tour. I had gone to take a shower because I needed to be by myself. Louis hadn't been able to FaceTime that morning, and I felt like my world was off-center. I had every intention of showering, but I couldn't get the water the right temperature, so I gave up, and here I was, on the floor, trying to focus on keeping my breathing level.

"Natalie," Sutton knocked softly on the door. "I heard the water shut off. What's going on?"

Irritation prickled my skin. "Nothing. I'm fine. Decided to pee before starting the shower."

"Nat," I heard Sutton sigh. "I can hear it in your voice, hon. Are you okay?"

"Oh my god, go away," I mumbled.

A soft, sharp laugh came from the other side of the door before the knob turned and Sutton walked in, sitting beside me on the floor. "I wasn't supposed to hear that, was I?" He was wearing his signature smirk, deep brown eyes shining.

I frowned, looking away. "No. You weren't. But it doesn't matter because you didn't listen."

"I just want to be sure you're okay, and then I'll leave you alone."

"I said I'm fine."

"Natalie, can you look at me?"

I shook my head.

"Then can you tell me what's wrong?"

I shook my head again, closing my eyes. "No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's stupid."

"It's stupid that there's something wrong, or is what's wrong stupid?"

"Both."

Sutton reached over and took my hand in his, squeezing lightly. "I'm sure it's not stupid and you're just beating yourself up for nothing."

I rolled my eyes behind my eyelids and said nothing.

"I got an eye roll. I'm gonna count that as a small victory," he chuckled.

I opened my eyes and frowned at him. "Stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" He took his hand away from me, holding both hands up in surrender.

"Ugh, no. Hold my hand, but stop knowing me so well."

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