The Good Girl

47.

Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. I was all cried out. I was empty. I was numb. There was nothing. I figured this had to be some sort of karma. I had always been a good person and made good choices until recently. I had recently made some very bad choices but how could I believe this was karma coming around when karma seemed to have it in for me even before all of that. I did well in school, I was a good child to my parents, I was kind to others, I studied hard, yet, life still hadn't turned out the way I had planned. It hadn't turned out the way I had hoped. My business had failed and coming to London to be successful had failed. It was probably all reasoning behind why I abandoned my good girl behaviour and began the fling with Caden.

For the first time in my life, I had felt free when I was making choices that felt good. Being with him had made me feel like I was in control of my life and my choices, but it seemed karma didn't like that either. I'd tried to turn it around...I'd ended all of that outrageous behaviour and found someone nice. I'd found someone respectful and sensible with his head screwed on right. It seemed karma wasn't done with me, because life even whipped that straight out from under my feet. I couldn't cry over it anymore. I was so sick of crying. Now, I'd decided to block it all out and I was numb. Now, I would make the choices I wanted to make and karma could go fuck itself.

'Where are you going?' Keira asked me, as I left my bedroom and headed through the apartment with my coat on again.

'How about you just keep your nose out of my business?' I murmured.

'Ava!' Keira sighed, loudly. 'Don't be like this!'

I ignored her and stepped out of the apartment, making sure I slammed the door loud enough to show her I wasn't going to listen to any of her shit. If she wanted to keep pushing me, I knew with the way I felt that I wouldn't hesitate to unleash on her.

I stepped out onto the street and it was pouring with rain but I didn't flinch or fret. I welcomed it. I stood still as the heavy drops hit me with full force and I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling of it all. It felt like a cleanse. I envisioned that the rain was washing away all of the awful things that had happened the last few months, along with all of the stress and worry that I'd built up from it. I let it wash away the betrayal and the deceit and rid of me of all feelings from it.

When I opened my eyes, I felt refreshed. I had no care for making good choices anymore. Where had that ever gotten me? The only person I could rely on was myself. The only person I could trust was myself. Being a good girl had done nothing for me. It was time to stop kidding myself and finally be who I wanted to be.

I crossed the street, not even attempting to keep myself dry from the rain. I had no idea where I was going but I walked. I walked and I walked and I walked for god only knows how long, but after a while, my legs grew achey and I stepped inside a small, shabby cafe.

'Hey there!' The small woman behind the counter greeted me, and I replied with a simple nod. 'Take a seat, I'll be right over!'

I did so, sitting at a table at the far end near a window. It pleased me to look outside and see people fleeing from the rain. It pleased me to see people stood at the bus stop, looking miserable and depressed as they were soaked and couldn't do a thing about it because they had a bus to wait for. It pleased me when a car drove past and hit a puddle, soaking a young man walking by as he raised his arms in the air and flipped the car off. Why should other people get to be happy when I wasn't? Why shouldn't bad things happen to them too? I was sure they were good people, but not without a history of making some bad choices too. I was a good person, in fact, I'd believed myself to be a prime example of a very good person. Life still handed me shit on a platter and I was glad to see other people looking pissed off and morbid, just the same as how I'd been made to feel.