The life of a fake boy ~ Kuroken angst

A child's question

XX/XX/XX

Hey hurt book,

I'm going to talk about my blood related mother and father. I must say they are the reason I'm so fucked up. Well no it not I can't say that. It all my fault. It's my fault for even being born. It always my fault.

I used to stay awake everyday looking up at a black ceiling. Nothing wrong with that. Except I used to wonder if it was day or night. Morning... evening. Dusk or dawn. I used to stare at the ceiling wonder when they'd walk through the door and yell at me. I used to lie next to it and cry as I heard the yells and scream. The shattering of bottles or windows. I tried to block out the sound. Curl up into a little ball and sob. I was one maybe two. I mere child. I thought I had no one.

I didn't even know what my parents looked like until they needed someone who be a maid. They wouldn't let me out until I could walk and understand their command. If I didn't understand. Tch. I was hit. Or kicked. Or punched. Or even stabbed. I had to learn almost instantly like sight learn. A command follow it like a soldier.

It still happens.... And I still should runaway. I can't bring to do it. They love me. They love me. They have to love me. Or I have no one who does.

Maybe it's just tough love, I'd say. I still try to believe that.  So I stay. I stay here. Frozen. Unable to cry. Unable speak. Unable to move. Wanting to feel loved by them. By anyone. Why me? Is the question that I always I end up asking. I know no one else.

I used to listen to the lessons on abuse in class and I'd here how bad it is. But that's what they do to me. I'm lucky I'm a captain or they'd see scars. Doubt they'd care or ask. I listen in those classes I hear the students saying they'd help and the teachers but they don't they stand and I watch as lies full out of there mouth. Like I fucking waterfall. They don't look for it or try help. They will only help if a child goes up to them and tells them. But why would a child a terrified out of there mind child do that. They won't. I once told them and they laughed. They only care when the child dies. Then they go why would do that? It's funny though really.

The only person I can tell who may like me is Kenma but that hurts thinking about it cause he will only ever like me as a friend. So no matter what I am hurt. I feel broken.

Just one question to the people who love me or despise me, I don't know.

Why?

That's just sounds like a child's question. It's funny how as I child I had be an adult. Yet everyone says I have a child mind. I told you they just don't know me.

~ Kuroo