The day they thought would never come

Prequel snippet 2 - The life preserver

--- Warning. There is a dark theme implied. ---

Gabrielle POV---

It hurts. It hurts so much. I just can't do it anymore. Nothing is getting better no matter what I do.

Sure I can put on a great act. Acting happy and bubbly is something I have perfected over the years. Jack helped me do that. Of course back then I had him to actually make me happy so it was easier to do.

My channel is doing good. That is a bright spot in a sky of darkness. No one knows the pressure. No on knows how much I am hurting inside.

I could blame seeing Jack being happy with someone else... but I can't lie to myself. That does hurt, but that was my fault. I pushed him away. I thought it would make things easier... better.

And for a while it did. As the pain of loosing "us" became more distant I was able to handle everything a bit better. My friends stopped harping on me. I could concentrate on my school. My family was happy. My channel started to rebound and rise.

It was short lived though. The pressures didn't lessen. The things pulling me in a dozen different directions didn't stop. By removing one big pressure I also lost my rock against the others.

I still miss him so much. I am pretty sure I made a huge mistake last year. Well it's to late now. He has moved on and is happy. I can't ruin his happiness again. I can't do that to Jack.

Its just another screw up on Gabrielle's greatest hits. I seem to be really good at making those. Maybe it really is time to stop doing that.

I am scared. When I wrote that letter the other day I thought maybe it was just the right thing to do. It would take care of everything. It make everything easier for everyone else.

Gabrielle would stop screwing things up.

It is scary to think about, but worse, it scares me that I even do think about it. I am such a coward. I didn't fight for Jack and I. I didn't fight to take control of my own life when it could helped save "us".

I didn't choose him over them. I will never forgive myself for that.

You know, maybe I am ready. I am sure Cassie will find the letter. I know she likes to read my diary. That's how I know she is the only one that can see how bad I am hurting. It's time to stop procrastinating. I am prepared now.

As I stand myself up.

Knock

Knock

Knock

"Gabrielle open up, it's Jack"

I think my heart just stopped.