To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 2

Harry took a deep breath before stepping inside the room, suddenly feeling extremely self conscious as the four boys and Simon turned to look at him. He cleared his throat slightly, straightening his posture as he took his seat next to Zayn, making sure to sit as far away as possible.

"Ah, lovely. So now that we have all 5 of you in the same room, it's time to discuss One Direction. Isn't this lovely being all together?"

"No." Harry murmured under his breath. "I'm in the middle of my tour." He said louder, "I can't do this."

"You only have 9 shows left. Don't be ridiculous Harry." Simon sighed.

"I'm not being ridiculous. The band went on a break so we could focus on ourselves and going solo and now that I'm doing that you suddenly want to put us back together. How the fuck does that work?" Harry argued back, the boys all looking at eachother with an unread emotion.

"The fans want you back for the 10 year anniversary. It's not that difficult to understand."

"Oh whatever. It's bullshit anyway." He leaned back in his seat, allowing the others to talk instead. He just listened intently, he had missed the sounds of their voices, especially in one room. But he couldn't let that get to him. He wasn't going to suddenly run back to them, not that they wanted that anyway.

"Right, so we're going to have to weigh and measure you to get outfits sorted."

"No." Harry said suddenly, "I've got my own stuff I can wear."

"Well you're not going to wear it. Those floral suits you wear are hideous." Simon raised an eyebrow, clasping his hands together on the table.

"Fuck this." Harry muttered, "I'm not getting weighed and I'm not getting measured. And I'm wearing what I want." He stood up, storming out of the door.

"Haz!" He heard an all too familiar voice behind him.

"Harry." He corrected as he kept walking.

"Harry." The boy grabbed Harry's shoulder, causing Harry to shrug it off before turning to face him.

"Louis. What do you want?"

"How are you?" Louis asked softly, looking Harry up and down.

"I'm fine, not that it's any of your concern."

"I've missed you."

Harry scoffed, "yeah I'm sure you have."

"I have." Louis insisted.

"Okay. That's lovely. Now if you don't mind I'm going outside."

"The meeting isn't over yet."

"Well I'm not going back so it is really, for me at least." He stated, resting his hand in his hoodie pocket as he played with the packet of cigarettes, taking one out.

"Can't we all go out for a drink or something? Y'know, catch up."

"I'm sure you don't need me for that. I'm busy anyway." Harry shrugged, continuing to walk away.

"I'll come with you. Wanna have a cigarette." Louis told him, Harry throwing his head back and letting out a groan. He kept walking, ignoring Louis as he took out his cigarette, furrowing his brow as he looked for his lighter.

"Fuck." He turned to Louis nervously, who was busy lighting his own cigarette. "Um, can I use your lighter?"

"What for?" Louis asked before noticing the cigarette, he tossed it to him with a frown, watching intently as Harry lit it up. "Since when have you smoked? I thought you were like 100% against it."

"I was. Now I'm not."

"Okay so when did you start smoking?"

"For god's sake, what is this? A fucking interrogation? I came out here to get away from everyone, not for a conversation about my smoking habits." He snapped.

"Sorry." Louis mumbled. "Well, do you want to talk about anything else?"

Harry pretended to think before turning back to Louis, "not really, no."

"Right." Louis nodded, taking a drag from his cigarette, Harry doing the same. "Um, are you gonna come back in after?"

"No, not planning on it."

"Okay. Well I'll see you soon." Louis gave Harry a smile.

"Yeah." Harry replied, "bye."

//

He couldn't hold his tears in any longer as he entered his house. He dropped down against his front door, a sob racking through his body. He felt so fucking overwhelmed, all 5 of them had been in the same room for the first time in 5 years. And he hadn't spoken to any of them but Louis, and even then he barely spoke to him.

He wasn't strong enough to do this but he couldn't get out of it. He just wanted to talk to them, to hug them and tell them what was going on in his life, but he couldn't let his guard down and let them hurt him again.

"Harry?" Harry gasped and looked up at the girl in front of him.

"Gemma? W-what, what are you doing here?" He wiped his tears away frantically.

"I came to visit. I thought you knew?"

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry. I lost track of time. I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey, don't worry. It's alright. What's wrong?" She crouched down next to him, taking his hand.

"The band is getting back together." He choked out.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No, I'm not ready to see them." Harry told her, "'m not fucking ready. I know it's been 5 years and it's pathetic but they really hurt me."

"Harry, that's completely understandable. Have you spoken to them about what they did?"

"No, I had a meeting today, hence the tears," Harry forced a laugh, "I only talked to Louis but that wasn't really a conversation."

She offered him a hand with a sympathetic smile, pulling him off the floor and guiding him to the kitchen. "Tea? Coffee?"

"Can I have half and half please?" He sniffed, wiping away the rest of his tears.

"Sorry?"

"Like, can I have tea in the bottom half of the mug, and then coffee in the top half of the mug please?"

"Oh, right..." Gemma frowned at him.

"Yeah, I started drinking it about 18 months ago. I call it a toffee or a key. But you can't ask for that in a café...cause they'll just bring you a toffee or a key."

"God you do talk a lot of shit, don't you?" Gemma chuckled at him as Harry burst out into a fit of teary giggles.

"I'll just have tea please. I don't think toffee or key would taste very nice."

"Nah, it sounds disgusting." Gemma screwed her face up, "like it probably just tastes like extra watery coffee."

"Probably." Harry nodded in agreement, "can we watch something? I just wanna take my mind off of shit."

"Alright, what shall we watch?"

"Inbetweeners?"

"I haven't watched that in bloody ages, sounds good."

"Gem...can you come with me Tuesday please? We have another meeting and I don't think I can manage it on my own."

"Of course I can. Do you want me to stay or just take you?"

"I'll ask if you're allowed and if you are can you please stay with me?"

"Course I will."

"Thank you." He smiled at her.