To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 11

Harry was sat by the window when he noticed the storm rolling in. It had started raining, fat, heavy drops dashing against the window, and the occasional rumble of thunder- though quiet- could be heard.

He loved storms. Always had. They provided a sense of security for him. He just knew that whilst he was safe inside the warmth of his house, the storm couldn't get him. Unlike the demons within his brain.

As the thunder got louder and more frequent and as the lightning began to light up the sky, Harry suddenly remembered who hated storms. Louis. He couldn't bare them.

Harry remembered the countless times he had woken up to Louis whimpering during storms, clutching the blankets tightly, and he had only ever seemed to calm down when Harry was there.

So Harry was in a debate. He didn't know whether to stay here and leave Louis to sit through it on his own- after all, he was a grown man and Harry had barely spoken to him since 5 years ago- or whether he should go into Louis's room and provide some sort of comfort. Even if he just sat there with him.

He eventually settled with the second option, knowing he'd want the same. So he took one quick look out the window before pulling his hoodie back on and making his way across the corridor, knocking gently on Louis's door.

"Come in." He heard a small voice say. Louis was scared.

"Hi." Harry said softly. "I remembered how you hated storms so I thought maybe you'd want someone sat in here with you?" He stood awkwardly, playing with his hands behind his back as he took in Louis's state.

The smaller boy was buried in a nest of blankets with them held tightly in his hands, pulled up to his chin. He was visibly trembling and his lips were pressed together in order to stop any cries escaping. Harry observed the tear tracks that had been running down Louis's cheeks, feeling a pang shoot through his stomach.

"Yes please." Louis nodded, shuffling to the side and making room for Harry to sit next to him.

"Are you okay?" Harry asked, which, in hindsight, was a stupid question as it was obvious Louis was not.

"You know how much I hate storms." Louis forced a laugh.

"I know." Harry nodded, "do you want me to get one or the others or are you alright with me?"

"You're the only one who's ever been able to help me through storms, other than my mum." Louis gave him a small shrug as he sniffled.

"Really?" Harry looked up in surprise.

"Yeah, you two always helped me with your cuddles and talking." He admitted quietly. "It's stupid innit, I'm 20 whatever I am-"

"8. 28." Harry laughed slightly.

"Yeah, 'm 28 and I still cry at storms. Stupid."

"It's not stupid." Harry shook his head, "if it upsets you or scares you it's not stupid." God, Harry should really listen to his own advice.

"Thank you." Louis smiled as Harry sat in the space Louis had created.

"Um, do you want me to...um, d'you want me to hold you?" Harry felt incredibly stupid, but it's what helped Louis.

"Please...if you don't mind that is."

Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before shuffling closer, wrapping his arms around Louis and pulling him close until Louis had rested his head against Harry's chest and had his arms around his waist.

"And do you want me to talk to you?"

He felt Louis nod against him, looking down and noticing Louis now had his eyes closed.

"Um, okay." And Harry must have been delirious as he began to speak, "I've missed you all. A lot actually. And the past few weeks have been terrifying. Seeing you all again and talking to you has really scared me cause I'm scared you're going to leave me again." Harry said quietly.

He wasn't sure this is what Louis meant by he wanted him to talk to him, but he couldn't help it, he'd started now and he was too tired to realise what he was doing. "I don't trust people easily, so I'm sorry if I don't let you get close for a while. It's just kinda an instinct. And I'm used to shutting people out. Since we stopped talking I've not really made any more close friends. I mean, there's my band, and we're all good friends, but not like we were."

Louis shifted, letting out a small hum.

"I've drifted with basically everyone, including my mum and Gemma. I think they understand that I don't hate them, and I'm just finding it hard at the minute, but I feel so fucking guilty. My mum said that I looked sad so she bought me a cuddly bear. It was so sweet of her, didn't really help of course, but it's the thought that counts. It just stresses me out that everyone expects me to be happy all the time. Cause I'm far from that and when I let my guard down people make a big deal."

Harry paused for a second, looking down to where Louis was settled against him, a small frown on his face, "and Robin only died a few years ago so my mum's still not really over that and she doesn't need me making it worse. I don't want other people having to cope with my problems."

Louis nuzzled further into Harry, rubbing his back reassuringly. And it was almost as if they were back in 2015. "Sorry. I'll talk about something else now. Are you trying to sleep?"

"What time is it?" Louis murmured tiredly.

"It's like 2am."

"Oh god, go to bed. I'm sorry, I thought it was earlier."

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep." Harry told him, "I'll stay here with you."

"Thank you." Louis readjusted himself. "You don't have to keep talking."

"Okay." Harry moved backwards so he was resting against the headboard, closing his eyes. He may hardly be able to sleep but he may as well try.

//

Harry's eyes flickered open, a weight against his chest as light filtered through the curtains. He rubbed them sleepily before looking down, realising that Louis was lying on his chest. Then he remembered last night, shit he had said far too much. But he couldn't really think about that when he had the boy cuddled up to him.

Harry barely slept anymore. When he did it was during the day when he'd gone as long as he could without sleeping. He was tired but whenever he tried to sleep he couldn't. He'd instead stay awake worrying and overthinking every little thing.

But last night he had fallen asleep with ease, almost as if Louis was an anomaly to the many sleeping pills he had tried. Almost like Louis was a drug made just for him.

OH. MY. GOD. THE VOGUE PHOTOSHOOT!!!! HES SO PRETTY AND THE DRESS JUST WOWWW KING

on a calmer note what's your aesthetic? in words and/or emojis