Take Me Through the Night

Aftermath of Umbara (Part 1)

a/n: bold/italicized words belong to the son. 

~

She was back on Umbara, that hell of a planet. Soaring from a bird's eye view, she took in the events of the past through the darkness and fog until she was perched on a nearby branch. Before her, she could see the troopers gathering around Krell. 

She remembered every single tragic moment, especially the horror and pain etched on the soldiers' faces as they discovered what Krell had made them do. That was, until she started to walk to the besalisk. 

The whisper that was both incomprehensible and perfectly clear was starting to crescendo with every step she had took. She could her dark declaration, shuddering at the slithery coolness it was delivered with. She could feel Krell searching her aura, and though they both were dark, it was like oil and water. Worst of all, she could see the gold in her own eyes as he died under her cruel grip with one word to command her actions: Kill.

Ahsoka bolted up in her bed, her breath coming in fast strokes. There was no way she did that even if Krell deserved it. That was definitely against the Jedi Code, and she didn't even remember doing it, so it couldn't possibly have happened—

It did, child.

Ahsoka startled. Pushing the many questions aside, she forced herself to breathe slowly and take in the current situation. She was in the barracks—her source of comfort. Above her: Fives, halfway off his bunk and on the verge of falling off. Beside her: Rex, sleeping ramrod straight. Above Rex was Echo, who was curled on his left and facing the door. Jesse was on Ahsoka's other side, sleeping under Kix's bunk.

She laid back down, feeling her eyes water as she remembered the countless number of lives Krell's betrayal had cost. Everyone was shaken, but luckily they were able to succumb to a dreamless sleep from the sheer exhaustion, her included...until now. 

Now, she was struggling to decide what to do with the thing in her head. She was acutely aware of the expectations that came with being a Jedi. Anakin and Obi-Wan didn't even tell the Council about their trip to Mortis—they had left that ordeal behind with the war still going on. She couldn't help but wonder at the number of things that could happen if they discovered her own burden.

Ahsoka wasn't only confused—she was scared. 

When the battle was still raging in Umbara, she knew that she couldn't allow fear to hinder her from addressing the pressing matter at hand. She was there when Krell betrayed them. But just because he was the one to hurt them didn't mean she could continue like normal. He was a Jedi, and she was too, and there was a small part of her that was afraid that the soldiers would associate them together just because of that. Easing their pain helped take some of their nightmares away, but that would never be enough to make up for what happened.

The clones' faith in the Jedi were shaken—hell, hers was too. Rex had thanked her on their behalf at the end of the day, grateful to have a half-Jedi half-vode with them. She had been hurt and tossed aside as they have been. She had stood up for them, letting the men know that they would always have her on their side. When Anakin had yelled her name as he landed, all the troopers—including her—had flinched and whirled around, immediately searching for the source of sound. Obi-Wan had tried to question her on what happened, but remembered how her hands shook as she tried to recount it.

"Good Padawans follow orders. I will not tolerate insubordination!" Krell had shouted at her. The sharp sting of his backhand was nothing compared to the way her body crumpled from the force of his blow.