.weighted. ; lashton

twelve

it's the first day of tour and ever since that nightmare i had, i've been eating very little and working out a lot. nobody cared, i expected that. they all think i'm fat so they see it as okay. i think.

i've only eaten an apple today and that's how i plan for it to stay but i heard that we were going to go out somewhere after the show.

"we're on in one minute, luke, you ready?"

"yup," my legs had been feeling weak for awhile now and i was worried about how they were going to hold up. i'd be so embarrassed if i collapsed on stage and everybody saw. i'd shake the whole building, i'd break the stage.

i was suddenly being pulled on stage by ashton which brought me back to reality.

i'm glad to report that the show went perfectly, everything was fine. until after the show.

"where are we going?"

"what about taco bell?" i heard someone suggest. i cringed at the title. there wasn't anything healthy there.

all of them agreed though so we went. ashton ordered me two tacos cause i didn't know what i wanted. correction, i didn't want anything but they took that as an 'i don't know.'

we went to sit down and i noticed some teenage girls staring. i wondered if they knew who we were or if they were just staring at ashton because he was hot. like god fucking damn. i found myself blushing as i thought about it but then the door opened, revealing a small crowd of girls. 'they've gotta be fans,' i thought. and i was right. i suddenly felt sick, realizing they were going to see me eat. they were going to see me be a fucking fatass and eat two tacos. fuck. not only that but they were going to take photos of me doing so for the whole world to see.

michael set the food down in front of us all and i pushed mine away slowly. i heard a gasp from a few of the girls and i raised an eyebrow, confused. i heard more phones snapping pictures of us but more were pointing at me this time. i cringed.

i couldn't wait to get out of there.

~~~

nobody noticed that i didn't eat until someone opened up their twitter and saw the tweets flooding in. all of them were along the lines of, "why is luke denying food? is he ok?" or "is luke hiding something? why won't he eat?" some even suggested anorexia and said that i looked underweight which made me uncomfortable.

"luke? you didn't eat?"

"nah, i wasn't hungry," i smiled, "i could kinda go for something right now though," i added for good measure.

"i can make you a sandwich if you want," michael stated.

i nodded, thanking him.

"okay, uhh, you should probably say something on twitter, the fans are worried." i said a small 'ok' and pulled my phone out of my pocket.

i tweeted a picture of me holding the sandwich and smiling slightly. the caption read, "hi guys, i'm doing fine! just wasn't feeling tacos tn, thank u for ur concerns <3'

that seemed to satisfy everyone. and while no one was looking, i threw the sandwich away without taking any bites of it. i was going to be skinny and nothing was gonna get in the way.

vote + comment please :)
unedited