.weighted. ; lashton

fourteen

today was the day. i'm leaving the hospital and going straight to the eating disorder place. ashton packed a bag for me to take and i thanked him quietly.

"are you ready?"

"as ready as i'll ever be."

and with that, i was checked out of the hospital and on my way to my 'new home'. it was an hour long drive which gave me and ashton time to talk normally.

i was wearing black skinny jeans that looked like normal non-skinny jeans on me and a band t shirt that refused to hug my body the way it should. my body looked like a girl's.

when i was overweight, i remember thinking ashton was so skinny but now he looked fat compared to me. i smiled at that a little before guilt hit me and i shook that thought away.

"you're going to take this seriously right?"

"yeah of course. i'm gonna get better," i said even though i was doubtful.

~~~

when i arrived, they took some 'safety' precautions and took my shoelaces followed by the drawstrings from any hoodies ashton packed. they searched my bag for anything dangerous then sent me on my way with a 'tour guide'.

"okay so now that you know where everything is, i guess i should go over procedures," the woman paused to wait for my response so i nodded. "you'll get weighed every morning at five and every night at eight. for weighings, you'll strip down to nothing but a hospital gown. you won't be told how much you weigh. bathrooms are locked for an hour after meals and snacks. you're expected to cooperate..." i started to drown out everything she said, she was acting like i was some troubled teenager. i'm twenty. this isn't fair. "mr. hemmings, are you listening to me?"

"sorry, zoned out."

"you will be going to individual therapy as requested, you do not have to interact with others even though we recommend it. for meals and snacks, you'll be in a separate room with a few of the nurses, as requested. no one will have to know you're here, just cooperate and you'll be on your way."

"thanks," she handed me a hospital gown and guided me into my private room.

"we're gonna weigh you now, okay?" i nodded.

i began to pull off my jeans and everything else, putting the gown on after.

"follow me," she stated when she noticed i was finished.

i did so and took in my surroundings. a scale in a white, or off white, room, along with something to measure my height.

the woman measured me then led me to the scale. i stared at the '0.00' on the scale before she covered it with a paper and told me to step on.

i kept trying to see through the paper and i think she knew what i was doing because she told me to quit about seven times before she just gave me this dirty glare (which made me stop).

"sorry, miss."

she suddenly lifted the paper in a way so that she could see but i couldn't which made me try to look again.

"mr. hemmings, cooperate."

"sorry," i looked away again.

she wrote a few more things down before telling me to step off and go change back into my clothes.

this was going to be a long three months or more.

~~~

the first meal came too soon, i threw up, in front of the nurses. not because i wanted to but because i couldn't help it. it just came up.

they told me i might have to be hospitalized again because of that. i can't consume calories like that so they'd have to inject them into me or something, i wasn't really listening.

they asked who they should call for that which made me realize that my parents aren't even aware of what's going on. at least i don't think they are. i gave the nurses ashton's number and they called him immediately. i couldn't hear what ashton was saying but i could infer by the nurse's response that he thought i was going to die or something.

"sir, he'll be okay, it's just part of his recovery."

when the call was over, the nurse, mrs. garcia, turned to me and sighed. "i guess you weren't as ready as we thought you were. we'll see you in a week or two, okay, luke?" i nodded, a frown appearing on my sunken-in face.

vote + comment