.weighted. ; lashton

two

"cmon, luke, eat up."

i looked at the two plates he had set in front of me at the table before looking back up at him, a worried look on my face though i tried to hide my worry.

"two plates?" joshua nodded and i sighed, giving in and starting to eat as much as my body would allow.

i glanced toward his plate, he had less than one serving which made me feel disgusting. "j-josh," i started but he shushed me, i nodded in response and looked back down at my food.

~~~

i scowled at the scale before looking up from my feet to the mirror on the wall. i wanted to yell, to scream. i knew i was going to gain weight by doing this but i guess i really didn't understand the significance of that. stop looking at the numbers and your body, you're a grown man for fucksake.

"luke? you okay?" i heard through the door of the bathroom. i slid my shirt back on and unlocked the door to reveal a smiley josh.

"yeah i'm fine."

"how much did you gain?" i was unsure how he knew that was what i was doing but i gave him the answer without questioning.

"1.4 pounds." joshua smiled wider and a smile graced my pink lips too even though i was actually feeling shitty about it.

"i think i'm gonna go to bed, babe, see you tomorrow.." i mumbled, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

when i got into bed, the bed sank deep along with my heart. i had never noticed how much it went down when i got on it but now it's all i noticed. i grabbed my phone from my pocket and checked my texts. the group chat had blown up a bit, nothing serious though, they were just making jokes about each other. one caught my eye though.

"at least i dont look like luke"

michael. he was probably joking but i took it seriously. it was definitely serious, right?

there was a response though that made my eyes burn.

"Yeah I guess you're right"

that one was from ashton. no fucking way.  there was an explanation after that, it read "Mikey, if you looked like him, you'd have chicks all over you and we can't have that LOL."

regardless of that, i texted ashton sweetly and had a normal conversation with him, trying to get away from my thoughts.

he asked about joshua and i almost told him about the food thing but stopped myself.

ash : I'll be heading to bed now, ttyl Luke

luke : kk goodnight.

and with that, i was out for a bit. until joshua walked in. he made me sit up and wrapped his arms around me from behind, rubbing my stomach lightly. i cringed slightly, sucking in a bit.

"hey, don't do that," he muttered into my neck. i completely ignored him and continued to make myself feel and look smaller. he eventually pulled his arms off of me, realizing i wasn't going to stop.

"luke, there's nothing wrong with being chubby," he stated, laying down.

"i didn't say there was, i'm fine with being chubby," i said, letting my voice crack a little. i lied.

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