What If (St. Mary's U Series #1)

Chapter 50

This chapter is dedicated to: BlaaackYeeen

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"Sliced apples?" Trevor offered as he sat on the side of my bed.

Sitting on my bed, I breathe deeply, pursed my lips and looked up to the ceiling, preventing my tears from falling. "Ayoko,"

No matter how much I try not to cry, my tears are really unstoppable... I couldn't control it from rolling on to my cheeks.

Parang hindi nauubos ang luha ko sa sakit na nararamdaman. Kahit tahimik lang ang paligid ay bigla na lang akong maiiyak dahil sa nangyari kagabi.

I wiped my cheeks but it was useless because of my endless tears.

"Shh, I'm here." Lumapit sa'kin si Trevor at niyakap ako. "I understand what you are feeling right now but please wag mo naman pabayaan ang sarili mo." He caressed my back, comforting me.

Pakiramdam ko pinipiga yung puso ko sa tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyari kay Lola.

Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan kung paano niya ako nginitian bago siya... mabaril. She smiled as if silently telling me that whatever happened, it's not my fault of why she was in that situation and accepts what is happening to her.

Paulit-ulit akong naiiyak lalo na kapag naaalala kong hindi ko na makikita pa ulit ang kanyang mga ngiti. Mga ngiti na nagpapagaan sa loob ko at ngiti ng taong laging handang saluhin ako kahit anong mangyari.

Hal abeoji is right, wala na akong ginawang mabuti sa pamilya. Halmoni's death was my fault!

I tugged on Trevor's shirt, my face is buried on his chest. "Kasalanan ko... kasalanan ko kung bakit namatay si Lola..." I uttered.

He tightened his embrace, "Stop blaming yourself, hindi magugustuhan ng Lola mo na sinisisi mo ang sarili mo. Wala kang kasalanan."

And again, Trevor just stayed beside me not breaking our hug. Kahit na nasasaktan ako ngayon ay nagpapasalamat pa rin akong nandito si Trevor sa tabi ko. He's making me feel I'm not alone.

He was the one who saw me at the rice field and helped on bringing me here to the hospital. Magkasabay kaming dinala ni Halmoni dito, pero dead on arrival na siya sabi ni Trevor.

Nang kumalma ako ay saka siya humiwalay.

"Nasaan sila Mommy?" tanong ko. Ilang beses na akong nagising pero hindi ko pa sila nakikita. Siguro galit na rin sila sa'kin.

Trevor looked away as if hesitating to answer my question. "They were taken to a room that is for... you know," he lowered his gaze.

"Puntahan natin sila please?" I held his hand to make him agree. Kaninang umaga ay nagising na ako pero hindi niya ako pinayagan, he said I still need to rest.

But I don't need that, what I wanted is to see Halmoni.

"Trevor please, I want to see her."

He breathed deeply before slowly nodded his head. "Alright," then he held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Just always remember that I'm here for you."

Tumango lang ako bilang sagot.

Trevor moved his head closer to mine and planted a soft kiss on my forehead which made me close my eyes.

Pag tayo ay inayos ko lang ng kaunti ang gusot kong hospital gown at saka niya ako inalalayan. Ang kamay ko ay naka-kapit sa kanyang braso habang hawak ang IV stand sa kabila kong kamay. Inalalayan niya ako sa paglalakad -kahit hindi naman kailangan, simula nang makalabas kami sa kwarto ko hanggang sa mapahinto ako sa tapat ng pinto... kung nasaan ang Lola ko.