Wolfstar Oneshots

Jealousy

Requested by: @PeachyyJinniee

Words: 1302

Description: Sirius gets jealous over someone flirting with Remus.

Story:

Sirius knew not being out with Remus would bite him in the butt one day. He wanted everyone in the whole school to know that Remus Lupin was his and they were dating and they were in love. He wanted to be able to walk around the school and hold Remus's hands like all of the other couples. He wanted to be able to bring Remus to the Valentine's tea, or the ball. 

But Remus knew the consequences of being out. He knew how ruthless people could be. He was scared of what could happen, scared of all the judgement that would fall on their shoulders. He wished the world wasn't so judgmental, but it was. So he insisted to Sirius that they stay closeted and secret.

And bite Sirius in the butt it did. They were at a house party in the common room after a quidditch victory and everyone was drinking. 

Sirius was having a great time, dancing on the table with James as they sang at the top of their lungs. He wished he could pull Remus up there with him and dance, he'd kiss him too, in front of everybody. But he couldn't.

Between songs, he scanned the crowd for his Moony and saw him standing by the stairs, hands tucked into the sleeves of his sweater like he did when he was nervous or anxious. Sirius smiled and hopped off the table, ready to comfort his Moony when his smile slipped from his face. 

There was a girl talking to Remus. She was laughing and bumping shoulders with him and he would try to shrink away, but the girl kept getting closer. 

Sirius could tell Remus was uncomfortable by the way he tried to make himself seem smaller and how his face was flushed. 

And boy did Sirius feel the jealousy bubbling up inside him. 

"No really, you're adorable Remus. Aw, you're blushing!"

"Hey, get lost, Charlie. Can't you see you're making him uncomfortable?" Sirius said, coming to the rescue like a knight in shining army. 

Charlie Laufin, a sixth year, looked abashed and hurt and she put her head down and left. Sirius and Remus were only a year older than her, but Sirius still couldn't believe she'd had the audacity to flirt with Remus. 

Sirius let out a deep breath and rolled his eyes in Remus's direction. "Women, am I right?"

Remus was looking frantically in every direction, face more red than it previously was. He was visibly more shaken.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" Sirius said, trying to put his hand on Remus's shoulder but Remus shook him off. 

"Sirius, you can't do that, I was handling it."

"You were not handling it, Remus. I was just trying to help."

Remus bit his lip, upset. "People will get suspicious, Sirius. You can't do that."

Sirius didn't understand what the big deal was and started to get mad. 

"I hate hiding, Remus, and you know that!"

"Shh!" Remus said urgently, looking around frantically even though no one was giving them even the slightest attention.

Sirius balled his fist, a deep pang of hurt in his chest. "Fine, go hang out with fucking Charlie for all I care, maybe then you can get to be 'normal' with her." And with that he stomped off out of the portrait hole.

Remus watched him go, wiped away the tears welling in his eyes and hurried up the stairs to the dorm. 

James watched this all happen from atop the table and made eye contact with Lily. He jumped off the table and made his way over to her. 

"I'll go after Sirius, you take Remus," she said.

He was about to argue, feeling that he might be better off going after Sirius, but Lily stopped his thought process. "Trust me," she said. "Sirius is jealous, I can handle him. Remus needs to know you've got his back, alright?"

James nodded. "Okay." He jogged up the stairs to check on Remus while Lily left the common room to chase after Sirius.

James opened the door to their dormitory. "Remus?" he called.

He heard sniffling coming from Remus's closed curtains and he crossed the room and sat down on Remus's bed. He pulled Remus into his side and the two sat in silence for a few minutes before Remus pulled away, embarrassed for crying. 

"What are you feeling?" James asked. 

Remus shrugged. 

James bumped his shoulder. "Come on, you can tell me, I won't tell Sirius if you don't want me to."

"I don't know, James. I'm just...scared, I guess. I would love to be out just as much as Sirius, but I know how unkind people can be. Sirius hasn't had to hide like I have. He doesn't understand like I do."

James hadn't thought about it like that. He understood that Remus was maybe scared of judgements and bullying, but he'd never understood the full extent of it.

James was at a loss for words, so Remus explained further. "My dad would kick me out so fast if he knew, James. I'd have nowhere to go. And Sirius...I can't imagine what his parents would do, his whole family really...He wants to spite them which I understand, I really do. But it's getting dangerous and I don't want anything to happen to him. And you know how fast word spreads at Hogwarts, the news would be back to his family in no time and--"

"Hey, hey, calm down, mate."

Remus chewed on his fingernails. "It scares me."

"I wish the world was different," James said after a few minutes.

Remus sighed, resting his cheek on his knee. "Me too."

+++

Lily hurried down the hall in the direction she thought Sirius might've gone. She was purely guessing, but she thought he was most likely in their favorite secret passage. 

Luckily enough, she found him in exactly the place she'd expected him to be. He was pacing back and forth when she got there, hands balled into fists. He looked up when she entered the passage and he sat down heavily on the cushions they'd brought there back in second year.

Lily sat down next to him. "Wanna talk about it?"

Sirius sighed deeply, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm being dumb. I'm just--"

"Jealous?" Lily guessed.

Sirius gave her a side eye, then looked down at his hands. "Yeah. Yeah I'm jealous."

"Of Remus or Charlie?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe both. Maybe you. Maybe every other person in this school who's 'normal'."

"Sirius--"

Sirius started to get choked up. "Did you know internalized homophobia is a thing? Did you know that I can be homophobic to my own fucking self? What the fuck is that? I just--I want...I want to be able to me and for it to be normal. I want to be able to walk through the halls and hold Remus's hand and for it to be normal. I'm sick of hiding this part of me and I just want it to be fucking normal."

Lily took his hand. "I want that for you too, Sirius."

Sirius looked up and blinked quickly. "It's whatever. It's never going to fucking happen, anyway, because everyone's so fucking judgmental."

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes while Lily thought of something to say. Sure, it seemed like a hopeless situation, but Lily didn't want Sirius to give up. She knew that even though it was a hard path, it was the right one.

"You know Sirius, people are going to hate something about you know matter what you do. So you might as well live your life how you want to. You're in charge of your own life, so I say: live it."

Sirius smiled to himself. "I like the way you think."

+++

Part 2 comings soon...