Make Them Burn

Mental Breakdown

CHAPTER 11: MENTAL BREAKDOWN

We're stuck in the bunker for the next three days. The Capitol drops four more bombs on us in this time. Every time we seems to be ready to leave, the drop another bomb.

The whole time, we don't receive much information on what's going on. Coin gives us the occasional update via the intercom, but they are not descriptive at all.

On the third night, Corie invites me over to her area for socialization time. I bring Haymitch along, but not Finnick, because Finnick said he wanted to "rest". Being down here and helpless is tearing him apart without Annie being here to comfort him.

It turns out that Corie has just a mother, Jeanne, and a younger brother, Ace. Her father died in the widespread of a pox epidemic a few years ago. Jeanne is reserved, but compassionate, and four year old Ace is wild and outgoing.

Haymitch and Jeanne begin to talk (A/N: THEY'RE JUST FRIENDS, GRACIOUS) so Corie and I take Ace to get dinner. We are supposed to eat at our assigned areas, but I don't want to ruin a potential friendship for Haymitch, so we eat in the middle of the floor.

Ace dives into his food while Corie and I talk. She scoots away from him a few feet, and the starving boy doesn't even notice.

"How is it working with Coin?" She asks me in a quiet voice.

I can tell she likes Coin just about as much as I do. I sigh. "She doesn't understand what's happening in the other districts."

Corie's eyes narrow in confusion. "Coin's been through a lot. We all have." She says defensively. "It's not like we were living a life of luxury, like your friends from the Capitol."

I keep my voice down, because the last thing I need is to cause attention. "It's not like they chose to be born there." I tell her, trying to remain calm. "And I'm sorry if I don't think you've had it horrible, having your meals provided for you every single day."

"Like you did?" Corie says in spite. "You lived in a house and had enough money to provide for everyone in your district!"

My eyes narrow in anger. She honestly doesn't know what it's like, and she doesn't care to find out for herself. "I survived the Games." I tell her forcefully. "I didn't ask to be reaped-I didn't want to be famous for killing people." She's still glaring at me stubbornly. My voice is hard and honest as I speak, "I did help people. Most of the reason District 5 is still prosperous is that me and the other victors gave so much money to the ones struggling."

Corie gulps in anger. "Yeah." She says quietly. "I'm sure you're a real hero back there. Except to the daughter you couldn't protect."

I slam my fork down on my tray and abandon it on the ground. She had no right! No right to say any of those things! I find my bunk and collapse on top of it.

***

The next morning we are released from our prison sentence. Boggs grabs Gale, Everdeen, Finnick, and I and takes us a room that looks strangely like Command. Coin, Plutarch, Haymitch, Cressida, and everybody else around the table look exhausted. Someone has finally broken out the coffee.

Coin gets right down to business. "We need all four of you suited up and aboveground," she says. "You have two hours to get footage showing the damage from the bombing, establish that Thirteen's military unit remains not only functional but dominant, and, most important, that the Mockingjay is still alive. Any questions?"

"Can we have a coffee?" asks Finnick.

Fulvia hands us each a smoking cup of energy, and I am relieved that there is a way I can sleep without nightmares. Cressida and her crew lead us outside to film with Boggs as a guard.

But as we're reaching the door, I lose it. I can't go outside, I just can't. Never mind that they need me. I'm about to lose my mind, and no one cares. Everyone who cares or did care about me is unavailable. Lilyanna is in the Capitol, Chase is gone, Onnie and Georgina are dead, Finnick and Haymitch are dying inside, and Corie hates me! I sink to my knees and begin to bawl. Messalla kneels down and tries to console me, but I slap his hand away.

Boggs knows that I am not to be touched, and tells the others, "Let's go, she needs to be alone."

And right he is. I haul myself up and stagger to the hospital wing where I lay down on a bed and cry. And cry. Prim eventually brings me a sedative, and for once, I let her stick a needle into my arm without struggle.

***

When I awake, a rough hand grasps my own. I jump up and open my eyes to see that it's Haymitch who is here. My shoulders relax, and Haymitch doesn't let go of my hand. "It's all right." He says. "We're going to get them back. Every last one of them."

My heart is alive with excitement at the possibility of seeing Lilyanna again, but I let him continue.

"Plutarch's sending in a rescue team. He has people on the inside." Haymitch says. "He thinks there is a chance we can get them all back alive."

I sigh. "What if they aren't alive?"

He avoids my eyes. "Plutarch believes that if any of them were dead, the Capitol would have aired it on live television as a show of power. Also, if the Capitol keeps them alive, they have leverage over us."

"Why didn't we do this before?"

Haymitch pats my hand. "Because it's costly. But everyone agrees this is the right thing to do."

I sit up. "Why'd they suddenly change their minds?"

He sighs. "Katniss had a fit when she got outside. Apparently Snow gave her some roses to psych her out."

I roll my eyes. "So it's more important to rescue Peeta for Everdeen than it is for my thirteen year old daughter?"

"It's not that simple." He tells me. "There's no question that we should save Lilyanna, but we needed Coin to decide if it's worth the risk. This was her last straw. She appointed Boggs to lead the mission."

If Boggs is leading the mission, it'll go well, right? It has to.

"It was volunteer only, but he pretended not to notice me waving my hand in the air," says Haymitch. "See? He's already demonstrated good judgment."

"Who volunteered?" I ask curiously. Not many people in 13 understand Everdeen's struggle to be the Mockingjay while Peeta is in captivity."

Haymitch shrugs. "I think there were seven altogether."

"Anyone I know?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath. "Gale, Dalton, and-" Haymitch pauses.

"And who, Haymitch?" I ask. But I know the answer before the words leave his lips.

"Corie."

The realization that Corie still cares enough about me to risk her life on this mission brings me to tears. I haven't been able to cry much here in 13, but the fact that Corie may die for me, and we still might not get Lilyanna and Jo back is a lot to take in.

It's as if I'm a balloon, slowly floating away from everything I know. Everything I once was or thought I knew is gone. My loved ones are slowly disappearing around me. I have to do something.