1994 // Luke Patterson *COMPLETED*

•Chapter 44•

When I pull up to their house I am nearly in tears with all the thoughts running through my mind.

I knock on the door with urgency, and wait impatiently for it to open.

When it finally does - I instantly go inside - not waiting for permission to do so.

"Sammy? What's wrong?" I hear Emily say, but no words are able to come out my mouth.

I don't think it took long for me to snap out of the state that I was in, but for me it felt like a lifetime. When I finally came too, I looked up at Emily standing above me, she was wearing a very worried expression.

"What happened Sammy?" She asks

"You'll think I'm insane." I state.

"You're not insane, and whatever it is that happened, I'm sure it has a logical explanation." She reassures me.

"Julie said to me that she left the radio on, in the studio, when she got home. Which is completely impossible because she just got dropped off. But when she ran to supposedly turn it down, I followed her because I was curious. But I looked inside and saw that she had two boys over. But the thing that scared me the most was the fact that one of them looked exactly like Reggie." I explain.

"Reggie? From sunset curve?" Emily asks.

"Yes. I know that it's not possible to have him in the studio because he died 25 years ago, but it just made me realize how much I miss them. How much they all missed out on. Especially Luke." I look toward Emily when I say the last sentence, and I can tell she's getting emotional.

"I know how that feels, not a day goes by that I don't think about my Luke. How happy he would've been about being a dad, even if he wasn't ready. I imagine how much would change if Luke was still around. But things happen for a reason and I think that 'seeing' Reggie is your minds way of telling you, to stop blocking out their memory. I know you try not to think about them but they were apart of your life, no matter what. You have to embrace the pain, because in the end, it's what makes us stronger." Emily says.

I don't really like talking about the boys and their death, to Emily or Mitch, because it just feels like I'm lying to them. I obviously told them that I was there when the boys died, but I never told them about Bobby or Caleb. I just know it would hurt them too much. It's the same thing with Lila, I haven't told her the full truth, it's why she still thinks so highly of Caleb. If she knew that he was the reason behind her fathers death, it would turn her admiration into hate, and that would put myself or anyone I care about in danger.

"I'm glad I can talk to you about these things and you won't think I'm going nuts." I say to her after a few minutes of useless conversation.

"Sammy, after Luke passed, you became the daughter I never had, I know you and I know that whatever you tell me, it's from your heart."

"I really do appreciate it, Emily. I just wish I could see them one more time, so I can tell them what I always wanted to."

"Maybe you still can?" Emily says which makes me question her mentality.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"You know where all of the boys are buried, I think it's time you pay them a visit."

~~~~~~~~~~~

As I pull up to the 'Hollywood Forever' Cemetery. A lot of things go through my head, most of them are trying to figure out what I want to say to the boys, but I'm hoping when I get there, the words will just flow out of me.

I decide I'll go visit the boys in the order that they died, so I could pretend that I told them everything I wanted to, before when they died.

First is Luke. Which will probably be the hardest and easiest. Hardest because I miss him so much, but easiest because I know the basics of what I'm gonna say.

When I finally reach the gravestone, I crouch down in front of it and look at the headstone.

Luke Patterson
1977-1995
A wonderful son, friend and father.
You made a difference.

I notice that there are some fresh flowers on the grave but, for the most part they are wilted and dry. I stand up and look around the cemetery to see if there is some kind of flower vendor, and to my luck, there is one a couple graves away. So I quickly walk over and pick out three, personalized flower bouquets, for the guys.

Luke got red roses, because I need to show him that I miss him, but I also understand that he died doing what he was most passionate about.

Alex got pink hydrangeas. Because he was always so full of energy and positivity even if his brain wasn't on the same wave length, while pink was also his favorite color.

Reggie I got everything that I think would make him happy, many small flowers that he could probably sit and pick on, for hours. Lots of pretty colour to catch his attention. And most importantly a shiny bow on the front, that hold the flowers together.

Once I got the bouquets, I made my way back over to Luke's grave, where I cleared off his headstone, brushed all the dead flowers away, and put them in a nearby trashcan, and then set the new batch of roses down. When I finished I sat in front of the grave and stared straight ahead.

"I have so much to tell you. I don't really know where to start honestly. A lot has happened since you've been gone. I don't know if you caught it, but the night you died, I told you I was pregnant. Turns out it was a girl, who has the biggest and brightest eyes you've ever seen. I named her Lila maya Patterson, Lila is the name of that bear you gave me, it's actually my nickname for her -Teddy- she's hated it since she was 12 but I still call her it. Maya was my mother's name so I thought it would be a good fit. From the minute she came into this world I knew she was a Patterson, turns out I was right. She's hardworking, passionate, trustworthy, sweet and lovable, but I must say she did eventually master your pout. She luckily got your eyes. It helped when I missed you, because I knew I had a part of you with me when she was there. She's all grown up now, nearly 25 years old. It's hard to believe she's already that old. She's living out your dream actually. I used to always tell her about you when she was younger, how her dad was a rockstar, who was gone before he could make it big. I think she made a promise to herself, that she would avenge you. It's silly, but being where she is now means a lot to her. Makes her feel like she would've made you proud. Right now she's on a tour around the world, when she first told me about it, it broke my heart, I wouldn't be able to see those green eyes for months, but then I realized that it was selfish for me to think that. She's in a rock band by the way, she's always said to me that she wants to be the more modern version of you, and to tell you the truth, she's doing a pretty good job so far. I just wish you could be here to see her."

I see a guy walking into the cemetery, but something about him catches my eye, unfortunately I could get a good look at him so I just carry on talking to Luke.

"Your mom and dad, have been a massive help. I told them a few days after the Orpheum that I was pregnant and luckily they were extremely supportive. Your mom was there when she was born, and I swear you were with me too, I saw you standing there when she was born. But the doctors told me it was just a hallucination. It's been hard without you. In every aspect of life. I especially miss the days where we would all hang out in Bobby's studio and eat junk food. Those were the days before everything got so complicated. I promise I'll come visit you more by the way. I'm sorry I didn't visit before. I should probably get going though, still wanna go see the other two losers. I'll see you again Luke, I promise." I get up and dust the dirt off my pants before grabbing the other two bouquets.

"I hope you like your flowers."

I start walking toward Alex's grave and I can't help but feel better about what happened today and how it was just my imagination.